What if I'm not a virgin anymore? Can I get back what I've lost?
The loss of virginity has to do with your past. Living chastity has to do with your present and your future.

Even if you’ve lost your virginity, you can start over again! God will always give you a new start, a new opportunity.

When the young people who come to me have told them about chastity, about the importance of waiting until marriage, about how important it is to recognize each other's value and wait for the right person, they have often looked at me with an unbelieving face. Some people have told me:

"Doctor, how nice that fairy tale, but it's not for me. My mom believed the same thing you did, she married as a virgin and once she got married, my dad turned and treated her lousy. What was it worth to her to get a virgin to marriage? So I have to try so that it doesn't happen to me".


Others tell me:

"I believed the same thing you did, I tried to take care of myself, to keep the boundaries, but one day I had a tremendous problem at home, I called my boyfriend crying because I needed to see him, I felt lonely, I didn't know what to do. We got together, hugged me, started to love me and the truth is that it started very soft and subtly and gradually I was making love more and more profound. I managed to realize that we were going through barriers, but it was so bad and I needed so much to feel protected, that I didn't have the strength to say no, and finally things happened. I feel that something broke in me and that I no longer have how to go back. With my boyfriend, I don't have to slow down. We have broken and returned at least three times, I do not manage to overcome it and I feel that it is not the same as before, but I do not know how to fix it. "

Then how can we talk about chastity to young people who encounter injured and disordered sexuality, who have already broken all limits and cannot leave a dependency situation?

This is a hard and painful rehabilitation process, and as any rehabilitation process, the first step is to recognize that I am in a hole, that I have no way out of it alone and if I keep the same attitude, the hole will be getting deeper.

This recognition or "open your eyes", though painful, is vital because it allows us to get in touch with that hidden force of the spirit that each one of us possesses and that arouses a sense of struggle that until then we didn't know.

Having taken this step, it is imperative to find people to help us, true friends who encourage us-i say, friends because if you look for that support in friends, chances are that you end up entangled in a new relationship that will not help you, parents or professionals who need to hear phrases like:

"I believe in you, I know you can cheer, I will not leave you." 

We need to listen to them because when our identity is hurt we are no longer able to believe in ourselves.


However, finding these people can sometimes be difficult, especially if we are inserted in an environment where everyone seems to be in the same, where there are no people who have the ideal of chastity as a way to go, where broken couples abound, and where a more faithfulness and everlasting love seem to be words of pretty movies, but not of real life. Where to find them, how to look for them, if I want to make a change in my life, but I feel I have no support from anyone? In the face of this difficulty, you become discouraged, check them out, for although few exist, and when you seek them you will truly see how God puts them in your way.

At this point in the process, perhaps it is the most important step of all. Recognizing that we need help that goes beyond our strengths or the forces and the encouragement that can give us true friendships: we need to recognize that we need God's help!

On the occasion of the passage of the good shepherd, the one who goes in search of the lost and wounded sheep, a young woman once told me:

"At one time I felt sheep wound, I could not keep up with the herd, I felt that the pastor had not realized that I was left behind, and that little by little he walked away. Before I completely lose sight of it, I began to bleat with all my strength, to do "Beeeeeee" until I managed to capture the attention of the Pastor, then the Pastor listening to me stopped, returned and took me out of the branches of which I could not leave and as I had no strength,  with infinite love he charged me. He stopped the flock and waited until I regained my strength to be able to follow".

This case teaches us that when we recognize our weakness, our wounded sexuality, our dependence on physical affection and shelter, it is impossible for God not to listen to us and come to our aid when we go to Him. But the important thing is that we must ask with insistence, with strength, from the depths of the heart, as Peter did when he sank into the violent and agitated waters: "Save me, Lord!"

When God hears this cry, one of the first things he says to our heart is: 

"You are a precious pearl, I finally found you. I am not staring at your sin, your mistakes, your past, I look at your heart! Your heart is so beautiful and so incredibly delicate that I would give my whole life again to defend you and to keep you safe. So far, no one has been able to appreciate your courage, but if you accept, I make you this promise: I promise to protect you and take care of you, I promise to give back that dignity you lost, that you gave to whom you should not in a moment of fragility or that was stolen. You are my princess, the Girl of my eyes, the light of my heart, and now that I have finally found you again, I will not allow anyone to rob you again, but for that, I need you to tell me yes. I want to do this with you because I would die of pain if I were to use you like a plastic pearl, the one they sell in the gutter".

And now the question becomes personal: are you willing to accept this proposal from God? Are you willing to say yes? God is an eternal present, for Him there is no time, therefore in this minute you are reading these lines, God is asking you. He needs your answer so He can act.

Now stop for a moment, don't keep reading and think about what you want to say to God, and tell him this very minute.

I am convinced that if you accepted this promise, little by little God will cleanse you, polishing and transforming you in that beautiful pearl that you are, so that you can shine with great intensity. But you have to understand that this doesn't happen overnight, that the healing and rehabilitation process is slow, that sometimes you will feel misunderstood and alone, but if you go through those moments, go ahead and do not stop! This happens because any change of life implies leaving our old comforts, our assurances, many times friendships that don't help, but I can tell you that it is worth and worth the life!

The loss of virginity has to do with your past. Living chastity has to do with your present and your future.

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