Sex and feelings: Are necessary to learn?
The emptier a heart is, the more it weighs. Madame Amiel Lapeyre
Love and Sex
Love is the most complete realization of the possibilities of the human being. It is the most intimate and greatest, where it finds the fullness of its being, the only thing that can absorb you entirely.
And the pleasure that derives from his expression in conjugal love, is perhaps the most intense of bodily pleasures, and also perhaps the one that most absorbs. The enthusiasm that produces a clean and sincere infatuation takes the man or woman from himself to surrender and live in and for the other: it is the greatest enthusiasm that most human beings have in their lives.
When pleasure and love unite with the mutual surrender, it is possible then to attain a high degree of happiness and pleasure. On the other hand – as Mikel Gotzon Santamaría has written – when they search for simple physical pleasure prevails, that pleasure tends to become a momentary and fugitive, which leaves a dreg of dissatisfaction. Because sexual satisfaction is only a part, and perhaps the smallest, of the joy of sexual delivery with the soul and body of the total surrender of conjugal love.
- But it is not always easy to distinguish what is affection from what is the hunger for pleasure.
Sometimes it's very clear. Others, not so much. In any case, to the extent that it is reduced to mere hunger of pleasure, the other person is being used. And that cannot be good for either of us.
When using another person,
he does not love her,
it is not even respected,
because it is used and reduced
The sexual terrain offers, more than others, occasions to be used by people as an object, even if it is unconsciously. The sexual dimension of love makes it possible to incline with some ease to the pursuit of pleasure in itself, to a sexual use that always lowers the person, because it affects his deepest intimacy.
As sex is an expression of our ability to love, any sexual reference goes all the way to the innermost nucleus and implies the whole of the person. And precisely because they have such great value and dignity, their corruption is particularly corrosive.
Everyone makes their love
What it does of their sexuality.
Learning to Love
Man, to be happy, must find an answer to the great questions of life. Among those issues that affect a man of all time and place, which appeal to his heart, which is where the most essential plot of his history is, unquestionably, sexuality.
The man seeks to find answers to capital questions such as: what should I do to educate my sexuality, to own it? As the body of the other person is presented at the same time as a reflection of that person and also as an occasion to unleash a desire for satisfaction.
- Do you consider sexuality a very important issue?
The most important government is that of oneself.
And if a person does not acquire
the necessary domain
about his sexuality,
live with a tyrant inside.
Sexuality is a generic impulse between any male and any female. The love between a man and a woman, instead, seeks the Maximum individualization.
And for the body to be an expression and an instrument of that individualized love, it is necessary to dominate the body so that it is not subjugated by immediate and selfish pleasure, but acts at the service of love.
Because of the affection itself is not well educated, it is easy that, at the moment when a clean love is to sprout, the force of sexual selfishness is imposed.
At the time when sexuality stop being under control, begins its tyranny.
As Chesterton said, to think of a sympathetic and dedramatized sexual disinhibition, in which sex becomes a beautiful and harmless pastime like a tree or a flower, would be a utopian fantasy or a sad ignorance of the nature of psychology Human.
A certain "training"
Only people can participate in love. Yet they do not find it ready and prepared in themselves. If a person allows his mind, habits, and attitudes to be impregnated with sexual desires not aimed at a full love, he will notice that little by little it deteriorates his ability to truly want. It is allowing one of the most precious treasures that every man can possess to be lost.
If he does not strive to rectify that mistake, selfishness will become more and more the owner of his imagination, his memory, his feelings, his desires. And his mind will be soaking in a selfish way of living the sex.
Will tend to see the other interestingly. He will especially appreciate the sensual or sexual values of that person and shall notice much less his intelligence, his virtues, his character or his feelings. The lure of erotic pleasure ahead of time often hides the need to create a deep and clean friendship.
Moreover, a relationship based on an attraction almost only sensual tends to be fluctuating by its nature, and it is easy that soon-when devaluing that attraction-that ends in disappointment, or even an emotional reaction of the opposite sign, antipathy, and disaffection.
"And do you consider it difficult to rectify this deterioration in the way of seeing sex?"
It depends on how deep the deterioration is. And, above all, whether or not the decision to overcome it is firm or not. The fundamental thing is to sincerely acknowledge the need to make that change and decide to give it.
It's like a challenge:
you have to purify,
fill the imagination with hygiene
of limpidity the memory,
of clarity the feelings,
the whole person.
It is -in a much more serious area- how to train to recover freshness and agility after having lost good physical form.
"And is it not a little artificial to train?" Is it not enough to have clear ideas?
In love, as happens in dexterity in any sport, or most professional skills, or so many other things, if there is not enough practice and training, things go wrong.
to learn to read, to write, to dance, to sing, or even to eat, it is necessary to unintentionally, to follow certain learning and to acquire a positive habit. If not, it is done crudely and rudely. To express well anything with a little grace it is advisable to train, to cultivate a little. When a person does not, it is difficult for them to express what they want. He feels the frustration of not being able to communicate what he has inside, of not being able to realize his illusions. And that happens so much by expressing oneself verbally as when expressing love. If we do not educate our ability to love and give ourselves up, instead of expressing the love we will behave rudely, as happens to those who do not know how to talk or do not know how to eat.
To cultivate like this is a way of approaching what one understands that it must become. With that self-modeling effort, the self-education, man becomes more human, he personalizes himself a little more.
It is a pity that many limit sexual education to information on the functioning of physiology or the hygiene of sexuality. They are undoubtedly necessary, but not the most important things, and they are also things that almost all of them today know enough.
On the other hand, the self-control of sexual appetite, and therefore, of the imagination, of the desire, of the gaze, is a fundamental part of the education of the sexuality to which few give the importance that it has.
"And why do you give so much importance?"
If this education of impulses is not achieved, sexuality, like any other bodily appetite, will act at the simply biological level, and then it easily preys to the selfishness typical of an uneducated body appetite. Sexuality will be expressed as to how you drink or eat or express yourself as a person who has barely received an education.
We need a look
and an imagination
trained to consider
to people as such,
not as objects of sexual desire.
Therefore, when in childhood or adolescence people are introduced to an environment of frequent sexual incitement, there is serious damage to the affection of these people, an attack against their innocence and good faith.
"Don't you exaggerate a little?"
Although it sounds maybe too strong, I think I'm not exaggerating, because all that has something to cruelty with an innocent. Breaking up in those boys and girls the bond between sex and love is a perverse way to break their honesty and simplicity, so necessary at that stage of life. The first sexual movements and inclinations, when they are not yet corrupted, have a background of enthusiasm of pure love of youth. Breaking into them with the rude hand of sexual overexcitation damages awkwardly the relationship between girls and boys. In the words of Jordi Serra, "they are not abused tying them with a chain, but they are enslaved submerging them in an unreal world."
As Tihamer Toth wrote, chastity is the touchstone of youth education. Because of the intensity and vehemence of the sexual instinct, this virtue is one that best manifests the personal effort against Vice. Perhaps that is why history is a witness that respect for women has always been a very revealing index of the culture and spiritual health of a people.
Self-control over imagination and desires
Just as the inappropriate use of alcohol leads to alcoholism, the inappropriate use of sex also causes dependence and habitual over-excitement that reduces the capacity to love. And in a similar way to how the palate can be spoiled by the excess of strong or spicy flavors, the sexual taste ravaged by the erotic becomes increasingly insensitive, more obfuscated to perceive beauty, less capable of noble feelings and more eager for sensations artifices, which easily lead to strange deviations or big bores. Overfeeding the sexual instinct leads to an anarchic functioning of the imagination and desires.
When a person acquires the habit
Of letting itself be dragged by the eyes,
Or because of their sexual fantasies,
Your mind will have a load of eroticism
He'll shoot his instincts
And it will make it difficult for you to drive
His ability to love.
"And there is no other solution to be repressed?"
I think it is not a question of repressing but of channeling feelings well. It is enough that the will opposes and distance of the stimuli that are negative for the affection itself. It is necessary to curb the inopportune starts of imagination and desire, to educate those powers so that they serve our capacity to love properly. To understand this is decisive to grasp the sense of that wise Christian precept that says: You will not indulge unclean thoughts or desires.
Who strives in that line, little by little will learn to live with their own body and that of others and treat them as they deserve the dignity they possess. He will enjoy the fruits of having acquired the freedom to dispose of himself and to be able to give himself to another. He will live with the deep joy of those who enjoy a mature and profound spontaneity, in which the heart governs instincts.