Intimate relationships between boyfriends and friends
Today they are considered as a normal thing, even as an authentic sign of love.

One of the things that seriously concerns the church is the fact that today many young people (and not young people) consider it as normal, even as a true sign of love between friends and boyfriends, to have intimate relationships before marriage. It is generally thought that the extramarital relationship has only an ethical and above all religious repercussions so that in a society where there is a "situational morality" and secularism that often streaks in paganism, it is not enough to understand that this aspect of human life has profound consequences in the same person, which can destroy it. Perhaps the big problem in many areas of our life is to consider that sin is something that only refers to God, so it has no other consequence other than the loss of friendship with God. But the reality is much deeper, as we will see. In the Ten Commandments we read in the sixth commandment: Do not fornicate. This refers to sexual relations (and to the intimate caresses that lead to the consummation of the sexual act) outside of marriage. But is it that God is selfish who does not want us to have sexual pleasure and that is why he forbids it? None of that! On the contrary, he warns us as he did in paradise with Adam and Eve: "The day they eat of that fruit will die" and referred not to physical death, but to what is worse to inner death, which empties of meaning man's life by turning it from paradise to banishment, weeping, and loneliness. "Sexuality embraces all aspects of the human person, in the unity of his body and his soul. It concerns particularly the affection, the capacity to love and to procreate and, more generally, the aptitude to establish bonds of communion with another". CCC 2332

When God establishes through the 6th commandment that it is in the sexual relations outside the sacrament of marriage, it is not, or means that God does not want the pleasure. It is that this, at least in its total form as it is presented in the intimate relationship of the couple, requires unity and stability on the part of it. All sins are sins because they destroy us; because they lead us to experience the death of the soul and the spirit and leave us alone and empty. The cause of this emptiness is not only spiritual but has a deep human root. For many young people it is not easy to accept this, but today psychology has helped us to understand that the woman is very effective, it is not like the man, who is colder and dispassionate. The woman when she has an Intimate relationship gives it all. It empties. It is not the mere delivery of his body, but all of it. The woman, by the way, God created her, cannot separate the feelings of what goes on in her whole body, especially in what is related to life and to procreation (desire, pleasure, and love are inseparable). This is something that man cannot easily understand because he does not experience it, his psychology and affection are different (desire, pleasure, and love have to be integrated). "Chastity means the attained integration of sexuality into the person, and therefore in the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being. Sexuality, which expresses the belonging of man to the body and biological world, becomes personal and truly human when it is integrated into the relationship of person to person, in the total and temporarily unlimited mutual gift of man and woman. The virtue of chastity, therefore, entails the integrity of the person and the whole of the gift". CCC 2337

The pleasure is so intense in the intimate relationship of the couple that clouds or say blocks, completely all other affective elements and even psychological, this makes the moment of the relationship is intensely enjoyed but at the same time that you cannot measure the Consequences. However, this block, which always increases until the reason is clouded (especially in women), disappears immediately after the climax. It is then when ordinarily if the relationship has been outside marriage, the woman realizes the deep emptiness that remained in her heart (this increases as the excitement goes down, which in the woman can take even several hours ). So, it's about convincing yourself, that you've been with the person you love, but you know deep down that you're not. God thought this relationship only for the husbands, therefore the affection of the woman is strongly damaged, when it is not made within the marriage. Some may say that it is not true, however, this is because they seek to deceive themselves and for some time block this feeling of emptiness, which will create an "insensitivity" or lack of affection on the part of the woman, which will make it difficult greatly be able to fall deeply in love. The result: insecurity, character modification, and inner loneliness. "Fornication is the carnal union between a man and a woman out of wedlock. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of people and human sexuality, naturally ordained to the good of husbands, as well as to the generation and education of children. Also, it is a serious scandal when there is employing corruption of minors". CCC 2353

One of the most common consequences of having intimate relationships before marriage and that will often be the cause of the failure of this is the fact that the courtship is becoming not a meeting of two hearts that are sought, understood and loved, but in two bodies that are desired. Each meeting of the couple is becoming not an opportunity to meet and love, but to satisfy their passion and enjoy the pleasure. In that way, the bases of the marriage are put not in the love, the affection, the service, and the resignation but on the sex. Maybe it's because they don't realize that sex is a very weak element to sustain a lifelong relationship. However, already in the life of married, little by little they are realizing that much of their relationship is rooted in their sensuality and that they hardly find another meeting point other than the "bed". This makes you lose interest in the person, in your life, in your interests and problems, fundamental elements of a healthy human relationship. Over time they will realize that they never loved each other, only wanted. The effects of these problems are evident in the statistics, since of the marriages that are presented before the Ecclesiastical Court so that the cause of nullity of their marriage is reviewed, 70% have had premarital relationships, coincidences? According to the word of God, the answer would be: NO. "The wages of sin is death" (Rm 6,23). "Sexuality, by which man and woman give each other with the own and exclusive acts of husbands, is not something purely biological but affects the intimate nucleus of the human person as such. It is done in a truly human way only when it is an integral part of the love with which man and woman are fully committed to each other until death" (CF. 11) CCC 2361.

It is now clear that the intimate relationship to the margin of marriage is not only a moral or religious question but a very deep human matter. So, we can say that from a moral-Christian point of view, it is a sin for women because it destroys itself, which is to attack the maximum work of God. On the contrary, the man sins, because it destroys another creature, it destroys the woman. If man and woman were equal in this psychological and affective aspect, the safest thing is that there would be no sin... But there would be no love... We'd be like the rest of the animals. Temptation in youth (and in non-youth...) is strong. But if we want to live, not only in grace but in the deep peace that God gives us to live according to his project, we must work on renunciation. For this, prayer and our voluntary renunciation practices (penance) are the most powerful weapon to fight something very beautiful, but that requires certain conditions to be as God intended. St. Paul said: "Everything is permissible, but not everything suits me". We have to wait for sexual pleasure to be a true gift from God to the couple, and not a fruit that is snatched and rots in our hands without getting to enjoy it in fullness. "Chastity means integrating sexuality into the person. It involves learning a personal domain". CCC 2395

"The acts with which husbands unite intimately and chastely among themselves are honest and dignified, and, made in a truly human way, they signify and encourage reciprocal donation, with which they enrich each other with joy and gratitude" (GS 49). Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure "CCC 2362


P. Ernesto María Caro Osorio was ordained a priest at the Monterrey Seminary on August 15, 1991. Degree in spirituality from the Gregorian University of Rome and Ph.D. in Mariology from the Marianum University of Rome, he is the director of the Active evangelization, which seeks to bring the word of God to every corner of the world through the use of electronic media, especially email.

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