Crisis of Love or Anthropological Crisis
In the affective world, there is the phenomenon of a psychosexual affective immaturity that makes the person a purely instinctive, emotional and sentimental being.
By: P. Rafael Jácome, L.C. | Source: www.somosrc.mx

We are witnessing in our current world a reality that started as an epidemic and is becoming, increasingly, an authentic pandemic. I mean marriage or couple breakups. Until a few decades ago it was rather strange to hear about divorce or marriage breakups. Today it seems that it is something normal, fashionable, an exit escape for "if my marriage does not work". Some of them even marry this mentality or simply do not marry, they just live together until "love lasts".

In this brief essay, I will try to make a brief diagnosis of what is happening in this culture of the ephemeral that invades us everywhere, including love. In a second moment, we will see that part of the problem is new anthropology that is resulting in a new type of fractured, brittle and gelatinous person, that is simply incapable of assuming a mature and balanced personality to engage in a lasting relationality, as is the marriage or life as a couple. In the end, I will give some clues to be able to live a lasting and rewarding love infidelity and commitment.

Culture of the ephemeral

Heraclitus, the Greek philosopher, said that in life everything flows, that nothing is permanent, everything is a constant becoming. He put the image of the river where "you can not bathe one twice in the same river". I could say that this is the base of thought of the culture of the ephemeral nowadays. Pope Francis puts it this way: "Contemporary society and its prevailing cultural models - for example, the 'culture of the provisional' - do not offer a favorable climate for the formation of stable life choices with solid links, built on a rock of love, responsibility, rather than on the sand of emotion of the moment. The aspiration to individual autonomy reaches such a point that it always questions everything and breaks with relative ease important and long-considered choices, itineraries of life freely undertaken with commitment and dedication. This feeds the superficiality in the assumption of responsibilities since in the depth of the soul they run the risk of being considered as something from which one can be liberated in any way. Today I choose this, tomorrow I choose the other ..., as the wind blows, so I move; or, when my enthusiasm ends, my desire, I take another path ... ".

In this new culture, it seems that there are no solid and permanent reference points. The great values and principles of life, as guiding lights, are diluted and blurred. The vertiginous changes that we are experiencing seem to take, like a tsunami, the whole system of values and beliefs that have shaped the Mexican culture.

Enrique Rojas describes it this way: "the advances, the technique, the modern investigations have revolutionized the ways of life. We witnessed the wear and tear of the solid materials with which ideas and beliefs were built. And that gave firmness, fullness, and happiness to life. Everything burns in the market of modernity. Some things burn and fire. But others, unfortunately, vanish and leave man orphans of the main values. "

In the background, conjugal crises that are experienced today have much to do in the maturity of people who marry. According to the same author, Enrique Rojas, 4 elements make up the new anthropology of postmodern man. He calls it the "light man": hedonism, consumerism, permissiveness, and relativism. Applied these principles of life to marriage we have a non-digestive salad.

Married life requires effort, sacrifice, patience, tolerance. Hedonism is contrary to any effort, struggle or craftwork such as conjugal love. If you think that marriage on a day-to-day basis is all rosy and without conflict, the relationship will easily break into a hedonistic mentality.

The consumerist mentality makes the couple a simple object of consumption. Use the other person as a simple object of pleasure and consumption. Once the need is satisfied, what follows is discarding and throwing away. When expectations are not met, when there is no satisfaction in the relationship, when the other does not fill me, it is when a crack in the couple's relationship starts.

Permissiveness: when personal freedom has not been educated to have limits on one's behavior and to lead a life with dignity, that is, with a matrimonial ethic, one can fall into permissiveness. With this way of living it is understood that fidelity is not an easy task. The person is capricious, immature, voluble and changing.

Relativism is another new ethical code. It is the direct son of permissiveness. Everything depends on personal convenience and the feeling of the majority. Any analysis can be positive and negative; there is nothing absolute, nothing good or bad. From this endless tolerance comes pure indifference. The great founding values are collapsing. Here is the origin of the so-called crisis of values. We are before the ethics of the ends or the situation, but also the consensus: if there is consensus, the question is valid. A marriage sustained with the pins of relativism and without the foundation of values is a marriage built on sand that will easily fail sooner or later.

With the previous premises I think we have an anthropological break:

In human intelligence that does not capture the essence of the authentic values of life for which life itself has content.

In the will that cannot fight for the good, either by inconstancy or because the great ideals of life are no longer attractive. It is preferred to live in mediocrity to be heroes of one's history. You choose the easiest and most comfortable.

In the affective world, there is the phenomenon of a psychosexual affective immaturity that makes the person a purely instinctive, emotional and sentimental being. To paraphrase Descartes, he would say: I feel, therefore I am.

 Paths to grow in conjugal love

Conjugal love is a craft that is learned little by little and must be maintained in the day to day of coexistence. A love that is not renewed and updated, goes to failure. Says Rojas once again: "It is much harder to maintain a love than to conquer it. Achieving a lasting love today implies, first of all, knowing the methodology of love so that it becomes kind and gradually penetrates within one, knowing that love is not exhausted in feeling, but is completed and enhanced by the will, intelligence and commitment. "

To consolidate or to learn the art of love you can suggest the following tips:

Blot and new account. To begin to fix a difficult marital situation it is necessary to strive to assume and digest the past.

Strive to not remove the list of grievances. Living in the past is not constructive and does not help us to live in the reality of the present, nor to hope for the future.

Mutual respect in three directions. Word, work and gestures. The three have a common root: the consideration in the treatment must be based on the appreciation and dignity of the person.

To be good with someone, you have to be good first with yourself. Seek to have a sufficient degree of maturity and personal balance.

Conjugal life has to be argumentative. Have some objectives, a program, some projects, dreams, and reasons to walk together.

Avoid unnecessary discussions From the strong arguments, neither the truth nor the approach of the couple arises, so it is important to be silent in certain difficult moments.

Have a healthy, positive sexual life and focus on communication. It is, therefore, necessary to achieve a sexual education that is at the same time education of the feelings and everything that moves around them and thus lead their development within the parameters of human dignity.

Make repeated efforts of will to improve and polish the difficulties of coexistence.

Ninth remedy: to bring to life a sense of humor. See the fun side of life; You have to exercise laughter, irony, and grace to be able to take things with philosophy and de-dramatize the small and large incidences of life.

Know how to listen, learn to dialogue and acquire communication skills.

I would dare to conclude. There is no crisis of marriage, but rather a crisis of the person.