Will I love you... while I feel like it?
Love, to be authentic, must cost. Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Individual pleasure although in the company.
In human beings, there are no times of zeal to guarantee the instinctive exercise of sexuality, as happens with animals. Man has to control his sexuality, which cannot be reduced to a biological need but must respond to a free decision.
When a person does not look for the other or the other as an end, but as a means that provides pleasure, it could be said - in the words of Carmen Segura - that then, in that attitude, making love would be more like making love, which, has more to do with masturbation - because it is confined to the individualistic search for self-satisfaction - than with the sexual act, since, in short, even if it is done through another, it is something that is done for one same.
When what is sought above all is to placate the craving for sex, that pleasure is not enough to satisfy, but temporarily calm the appetite, because all bodily pleasure disconnected from the spiritual is frustrating. And their isolated search – individual or in company –, when it becomes a habit, comes soon to saturate and defraud (and all that although it is difficult to leave).
This fraud occurs, not only concerning the pleasure obtained, but also and mainly concerning oneself. Sooner or later that behavior ends up producing an inner tear, and even rejection and contempt of oneself.
That person, although it may be difficult to recognize him to the outside, is accustomed to the search for certain compensations, tied to them. It seems almost impossible for her to live without them, but when she allows them, and even at the moment when she is enjoying them, she feels a disenchantment with herself and the way she lives. Perhaps he would like to act in another way, to use his energies differently, but that search for pleasure has become a chain that binds, weighs and enslaves.
Although it seems an exaggerated comparison, it is similar to what happened in those ancient Roman banquets. He wanted the object of pleasure and then vomited to eat again. The Object sought, both in the case of sex and food, does not produce complete and peaceful satisfaction, and must be continually repeated or replaced. In the end, he feels little esteem for him, because it is above all a simple means, much less appreciated the more one feels needed to resort to him compulsively.
-But there will be a middle ground. There is a wide range of possibilities between gluttony and the hunger strike. You do not have to live to eat but eat to live. And the common of mortals allows their small pleasures, although it is simply to be granted a whim. This can be done without falling into dependencies or boredom. That is true, and that is why I must insist that the reasons I have just pointed out are not moral, but of a practical type. It is as if to say that stealing leads to the habit of stealing because the bad acts create dependency, it is objected that one can steal from time to time some little thing without creating problems of addiction. That's true, but it's also stealing is not right, but it does not create addiction. I'll try to explain it better.
With you, while I like you
As Mikel Gotzon Santamaría has written, if one person tells another who loves him, the same language assumes that in that expression there is a forever. It would not make much sense to say, "I love you, but probably that love will only last a few months, or a few years, while you remain sympathetic and complacent, or do not find another better, or do not get ugly with age."
A I love you that implied only for a time would not be a true declaration of love. It is, rather, an "I like you, I want, I have a good time with you, but I am not willing to give myself entirely to you, or give you my life."
A person, or is delivered forever or is not delivered. And if one has surrendered, the delivery of the body is the expression of the total surrender of the person. Handing over the body without having delivered oneself has a certain parallel with prostitution, with the use of one's intimacy as an object of occasional exchange: to give the body in exchange for something, without having given life. Only within a love that does not put conditions, of a love that, by being, is surrender to the other, reaches its meaning the mutual communication that is produced by carrying Term the sexual act.
True love can wait
Angela Ellis-Jones, a 35-year-old British lawyer, an unbelieving woman and nothing suspicious of conservative ideas, explained in a BBC2 debate program and an article in the Daily Telegraph what were her reasons for remaining virgins until marriage.
Since my adolescence, I knew I had to keep myself for marriage, and I have never had the slightest doubt about my decision.
- Chastity before marriage is a matter of integrity. For me, the true meaning of the sexual act is to be the supreme gift of love that can be given to each other by a man and a woman. The more lightly you give one your own body, the less valuable you will have sex.
- Who loves a person, wants to marry her. When two people have sex outside of marriage, they don't treat each other with total respect. A physical relationship without marriage is necessarily provisional: it induces to think that someone better is yet to come. I value myself too much to allow a man to treat me that way.
- I think so since I was 14 years old. At that time, I had already observed the destruction that frivolous sex produced in the lives of some schoolmates. It was already evident to me that when marriage and sex are separated, the difference between being married and not being married becomes blurred, and the marriage itself is devalued. I want to marry a man who has a concept of a woman high enough to keep himself whole for his wife.
- I find it an attractive ideal, but young people want to have sex as soon as possible, and few will be able to endure.
I don't think so. And I think that thinking about that is belittling them a little.
Young people get rabies,
And rightly so,
Adults to consider
Unable to raise
Youth is a very special moment in life, it is the time where the identity itself is formed, in which the first serious personal decisions are made. There is a special sensitivity to the strength of words, to the testimony of the example. Amid the victories and moral defeats of every man, an ideal of life is being built, the consciousness is forming, that rod with which human dignity is measured, the true indicator of the development of one's personality.
It is true that some - older than the young - think that the real thing is to seek sexual gratifications as soon as possible and to facilitate them to others. They say they prefer that bird in hand to an ideal love that they see as something very far away. And although, understandably, a person will be dazzled by immediate gratification in the face of what he may see as uncertain promises, building his own life requires opening new horizons to desire, learning to value what we still do not have in hand but that, for its value, we are called to reach. That's how that young British lawyer understood it.
To be fascinated by the desire to satiate our instincts is something that prevents us from achieving what is valuable.
The man with insatiable desires
It's like a perforated barrel:
he spends his life trying to fill himself,
in an equally leaky bucket.
Sexuality outside its due context responds to an instinctive impulse, which suddenly ignites and then shuts off immediately. It is a flare as intense as fleeting, which barely leaves anything behind, and which easily leads to a narrow circle of eroticism, which, in its always unsatisfied search, considers that other higher concepts of love are a simple reverie, when not a taboo or Kind of repressed.
Socrates spoke of an inner voice that advised him, rebuked him, and encouraged him to seek the truth. That voice is the most lucid of us themselves and warns us that we should not remain in mere sensations, but seek the truth that is in them, their true value, and not that which is more at hand, but the deepest.
It is not a question of controlling to the stoic mode the instinctive tendencies, but of ardently desiring higher values. It is not a question of repressing trends, but of knowing how to direct them. A conductor does not repress any instrumentalist, but points to each one the path that must follow to carry out its function in a full way: in a few moments it will have to remain silent, in others, it will have to be harmonized with other instruments, and other times it must Take on a greater role.
When someone discovers the reality of love, he is certain to have discovered a wonderful land hitherto unknown and unsuspected. He is considered happy and graceful, and rightly so. It is a pity that by not settling to the natural rhythm of maturation of love, some want to eat the green fruit and lose the goal they could have reached. They end up realizing, sooner or later, that at the very moment that the person gave them prematurely their body, fell from the pedestal in which they had put.
But the attraction of sex is very strong and people want to make use of it freely.
I'm not against freedom. But we know that, as José Antonio Marina has written, freedom is the proper management of desire, and sometimes we will have to follow them, but others do not.
The desire is certainly
A motive for acting,
But only the intelligent desire
It's a reason to act.
Anyone can find sex quite easily today. It does not require special talent or skill. It is not something that makes anyone more man or woman. The difficult thing, the valuable thing, is to find a man or woman who has saved himself for whom one day he will be his husband or his wife. A normal person who has known how to wait, without fears, without ghosts. "A person who, simply, was saved for me. Yes. Exactly that is what I am looking for. How did you do it? "
Is it possible to wait?
Quite a few people at first understand sex as just another way of entertainment. But when they think about finding someone to share their life with, when they already think about something serious, it is easy for them to understand that the value of that person they are looking for is quite related to their ability to wait, to keep for themselves.
- Yes, but that person you're talking about hasn't been able to wait and save for the other...
If you have not achieved it until today, I would recommend that you at least try it seriously from now on. If you still can, I would say, offer your body firsthand to whoever is going to be your husband or your wife, you have a very valuable treasure, keep it. If you cannot already say that, that at least you can say one day that you have managed to wait for him, or her, the months or years that you still have left.
- Others are afraid to lose their boyfriend or girlfriend if they don't agree to have sex. If the other tells them that "everyone does it," or "If you love Me, show me," they can't find any arguments to refuse.
I think it must be considered the other way around. If there is love, with the wait he will pass the test of his righteousness. If he loves you, you will not lose it, but he will acquire greater esteem for you.
You'll see you don't give in to anyone,
But you keep
For those who are going to be
The father or mother of your children.
The Catholic Church does not approve of premarital relations precisely because it has enormous esteem for marital love. Wants to help protect and guard something that depends on both the partner and the whole society.