Sexual relations in dating?
Let's re-educate in chastity.
If we listen to the voices of our culture and our world, we cannot look away from a widespread reality among our teenagers and young people. Today the majority, with or without Christian formation, consider it natural to have sex, and not only with the groom but also with the one or the one who is coming out to know each other more.
We know that the principle "Everybody does it" does not justify its morality but it is worth delving into its causes and its consequences.
As parents we want the best for our children; that they know how to choose well, to marry, to have children and a nice family; but when it comes to training them for marriage, we are not convinced why it is not good for them to have sex. Many parents advise their children how to care for themselves and if they do not encourage it, they do not educate them; And then we suffer our pain, that of our children and that of our grandchildren.
The crisis over the consequences of this disorder is also manifested in health; many get venereal diseases because of excesses and promiscuous relationships.
If we broaden our gaze and see what happens to these teenagers-young people who have lived their friendship and dating relationships, we do not discover that it has been a contribution to new marriages, but on the contrary. More and more the separating takes shape in the first years of the marriage. What's going on?
Without pretending to give answers I would like to reflect on how to live sexuality during dating and deepen the development of communication.
We are mistaken to think that it is only a "religious" issue; It is much deeper, its roots sink no less than in the natural order of our communication.
Let's try to delve into this issue without pretending to have all the answers.
When men and women meet, we discover that this capacity of encounter, dialogue, communication and therefore of union and Communion, crosses all our dimensions. When the person communicates, he does it with his body, with his soul, and with his spirit. The visible is the body, it is what draws attention, which attracts "at first sight". But it is not only the body, which is the corporeity of the soul and the spirit, which attracts us from the other, is also its interior that is transparent and emanates through the body and as a magnet attracts the outside to the inside.
And this entails an order with their laws that, when we break them, they´ll mess up something very deep.
In the encounter between a man and a woman, the first thing that attracts is this charm of the body; and it is through the look and language, verbal and gestural, that we started the game of seduction.
This game is an ancestral art. No one teaches us to seduce, it simply emerges from the depths of our sexuality and our ability to communicate. We find it also in animals, they approach, they sniff and, according to the species we can find ways that go from the simplest to the most sophisticated to mate and procreate.
This attraction opens the door to something else, communication of our inner world, which is expressed through gestures and words and invites us to deepen our mutual knowledge.
A, we'd like to be together all the time! We would like to say so many things... Reveal all the mystery of what we are...!
The attraction is huge, the bodily senses are activated, we need to look, listen, touch, smell and like. The intimacy and intensity of these caresses are growing while the inner senses develop and spiritual communication grows.
Infatuation makes us able to listen in all that we have to say, and also to listen to all that we do not express with words; We can receive with the look and gestures, just seeing I'm going to realize what happens inside your heart, just touch you feel I can touch your mystery. It is when our gestures are becoming more and more eloquent for those who love us. As if the knowledge of each one advanced at the same time by the depth of what we can share, verbally and gesturally. Words and gestures are the rails through which communication progresses.
When in the courtship the communication tries to advance only in a lane, instead of advancing it is disordered. But this disorder is not perceived in the same relationship, which, although in a disorderly way, "seems" to continue advancing.
Dating is time to learn to communicate, to exchange opinions, visions, to
share our thoughts, beliefs, ideals, to see if we manage and if we can build a common project based on what we both bring from different. It is time to go out and relate to other people as well, to know our way of being and to behave in different situations. Not only what we say, but what we do and how we do it.
And as our communication progresses, the first difficulties are emerging.
And while the difficulty hinders the relationship and discourages us, however, it is the only possibility to realize if we can solve it; If we both have the internal means to go through it. This manifests our ability to frustrate ourselves, to accept our differences and, more importantly, to see if we can solve them together. Dating is the time to solve our difficulties through the word. This long and sometimes working process is what allows our faculties of the soul, our psychology and our spiritual dimension to be interacting and penetrating.
In dating, we break the harmony of order in the development of communication when we let the gesture move to the word and we hasten to resolve the difficulties through the intimate delivery corporal, which is the culmination of the communication, the last step and Which is our greatest delivery.
We let our bodies melt and penetrate each other, without this fusion/penetration being carried out at the same time in the other dimensions of our being.
We do not respect the wisdom of the rhythm that imposes the same order and becomes an almost imperceptible disorder in the same relationship since communication continues and "seems" to move forward because we "feel" very well, our body is gratified and filled with sensations Pleasant.
However, in the interior, in the invisible, in the soul and the spirit of those people, another thing is happening that still cannot be communicated through the word.
The intimate delivery of our bodies takes us entirely, hold any other type of communication. It is the communication par excellence when it occupies its place; When it doesn't, it moves all the others that need to grow inconsistency.
When we break this order we are not choosing, we are acting from impulse or reaction, from what "I feel". And the sensations can have so much strength that they don't help us think to choose. It is when we let ourselves be carried away by the needs of the body. This is good for vital functions, but communication is spiritual and requires our intelligence, the faculties of our soul. And this, in turn, is subordinated to an order that transcends it; The spiritual order that unites all people with each other with all creation and with its creator.
It is from this depth of my human spirit united to the divine Spirit, of whom I am a debtor and a creature, from where the person chooses the ultimate sense of his life, who he is and what he will do to be done in the self.
The communication of the soul and the spirit requires much more time than the corporal. The body has to wait and respect the rhythm of each dimension of Our being.
Sexual intercourse is the maximum point of convergence of communication; Where not only our bodies demand such insight, also our souls and our spirit. It is the most spiritual communication that we can have as people, so having or not having sex with another person is a spiritual decision. That my body and the attraction that the other exerts upon me require it should not, by itself, be indicative of my choice.
The misunderstandings of courtship must be solved employing the word. We must know the limit of the word, the impotence, the frustration, the not knowing how to tell you everything I want to express to you; learn to exchange opinions and experiences, to enjoy the experience of "agreeing" and also to suffer the "disagreement" to find the solution together. We have to learn to discuss, fight and reconcile without disrespect. It is time to give us time to learn to put into words what happens to us and to silence ourselves to be able to listen to what we are not able to tell ourselves, the humiliation of the word gives place to communicate without words, spiritual communication, from the heart to heart.
This is all part of dating. It is not easy to learn to accept our differences, only if we can do so will we be in a position to take another step; but how will we know if we include sex to overcome them?
Of course, in courtship the sexual relationship seems to solve almost all the differences; In sexual intimacy, the word loses its full power to make room for the gesture; But the gesture does not resolve the difference that is submerged to reappear at another time, often already married and with the sad experience that we cannot even know how to solve them.
The one who used to be everything to me begins to be a stranger. I've never heard him talk like that before or behave that way. We feel hurt and disappointed; we lose interest to be together and our differences are separating us more and more.
We must know the consequences of this disorder to be more responsible when it comes to acting. Sexual delivery is the delivery of all my person to another person, which is the maximum exponent of our ability to communicate.
It is lawful to demand reciprocity, privacy, intimacy, and respect. It is open to procreation, which assumes I assume the risk that it may be a fruitful delivery in a child.
We know that even if we avoid it, the risk is always and this alone should be a limit for those who are not willing or prepared to form a family.
The family demands a house, a home, a common bed; A life shared with all Its consequences: commitment, security, stability, and fidelity. When we are not willing to form a family, but still want to have sex, we are ignoring the demands of sexual intercourse, thinking of ourselves, in the now, but without projecting ourselves into a stable commitment. And this is a disorder, which often brings with it other even greater disorders.
Of hurried sex, troubled marriages arise and unwanted children and so many times aborted. The families that are born thus already have in their constitution this disorder. While they were planning to get married, the date announced was for the son and not for responsible consent.
In hasty sex, wrong choices arise, in which there is no clarity enough to discern, evaluate, and choose.
Many times, the couple who live situations of almost marital delivery, are not very free to choose whether or not to continue with the relationship, are "stuck" to a disorderly way of relating that takes away the freedom of choice.
Let's look back at how we want to grow in the communication of love. Communication is spiritual and requires a spiritual intelligence that is the integration of my body with the faculties of the soul and the spirit that acts as the integrative principle of the whole being.
Let's re-educate in chastity, which is the virtue that invites us to ordain all our sexuality to the communication of love. Let us aspire to chastity, and do not get tired of the difficulties we encounter on the road. May this be our wish! May this be our aspiration. It doesn't matter that we're wrong, or that things "get messed up" on the way.
Let us continue walking in a chaste and pure courtship, putting our gaze on the highest goods. Over and over again. Without getting tired or fainting.