My boyfriend insists on having sex
It is not possible to say I love you totally for a while, while we enjoy it, as long as I am pleased.
My boyfriend insists that we have sex, says that what is wrong, that we love, that nothing will happen... And I tell him I don't want to, he asks me why and I don't know how to explain. I do it because it's what my parents taught me, but I don't quite understand the reasons.
Could you help me?
Just because you don't want your boyfriend to stop insisting. It's not a war of argument. If you don't want to, even if you don't have your reasons clear, it's no, period. Don't let him push you, ask him to respect you. It's like someone has a very valuable ring and a friend asks him to give it to him.
The friend can give all sorts of reasons to convince the owner of the ring, things like that I like a lot, I want it, you have to give me to prove that you are my friend... But the ring owner does not need to justify his decision not to give away his ring. He doesn't want to give it and he doesn't do it. And if that's why you lose your friend, it's a sign he wasn't a real friend. But let's go to your question.
What the body expresses when people have sex is "I give myself to you, I love you only, I love you totally, I love you forever." Our body is not a secondary thing, it is an essential part of our being person. If what we express with our body does not correspond to what we think or feel, then we are lying and deceiving, whether we know it or not.
In sexual relations outside of marriage that expression of surrender and total love is false because it does not correspond to a life situation congruent with that expression. It is not possible to say I love you totally for a while, while we enjoy it, as long as it pleases me.
That's not real love. People can be honest, they're probably trying to grow in love, but having sex without realizing them is hurting their relationship. During a chaste courtship, the bride and groom know that the relationship can end. It's not something you want, and if it happens it's going to hurt, but knowing yourself deeply to know if you can and want to decide to unite their lives in marriage is precisely one of the goals of dating.
When they begin to have sex, along with a hard-to-manage intensity at that stage, false and contradictory messages are introduced into the relationship. The language of the body tells them that they are giving themselves up completely, but they know that this can end. They become disposable objects. They use each other for mutual pleasure.
Unconsciously, they degrade the image they had from each other. There are other points to consider. For example, during the sexual act, our bodies produce oxytocin, women more than men.
Among the functions of this hormone is to provoke feelings of intimacy and union. Also men, but especially women fall in love more, bind more and even adhere to the person with whom they had that experience. That is why the boyfriends who have had sex suffer more when they separate and it is more difficult to make the decision, even if it is necessary. Some men are disenchanted after having sex and come off with some ease of the woman, leaving desolate. Perhaps this is why the suicide rate among sexually active adolescent girls is higher than those who retain virginity.
As sexuality is something so strong, so intense when the couple begins to have sex the other aspects of the relationship go to the background. They no longer communicate with as much freedom as before, the excitement of waiting is lost, the development of creative ways to express love is diminished.
but there are more serious problems: it favors the codependency, increases the fear of losing the other, it confuses the love with the desire and the passion. It's as if the bride and groom put a blindfold in their eyes and can no longer see each other with the clarity of before. For example, they are less able to terminate the relationship despite problems of alcoholism or infidelity.
There are more cases of violence between boyfriends who have sex than those who don't. And for the future, marriages of those who have sex as boyfriends have a much higher divorce rate than those who don't.
We must also consider the issue of pregnancy. Without forgetting that every child is a blessing, the couple should consider before having sex if they are ready to be parents. Are you sure that your boyfriend would fully share the responsibility with you? Would you educate your child with love and maturity? Do you have the capacity to provide it with everything you need? They can argue that they are going to take care not to have children (as if the children were a danger, but that is another issue), however, we know that there is no 100 percent effective method of contraception and that the mandate of nature is that relationships sexually generate new individuals of that species. So whatever they do, there is always the possibility of having a child. It must also be taken into account that hormonal contraceptives put women's health at risk and that one of their functions is abortive, especially in the case of the morning-after pill. Diu is highly abortive as well as damaging to the womb. The effectiveness of the condom is low. Many figures are handled, but we could calculate that the faults are between 10 and 15 percent, but if it is used improperly, the faults are greater. There is also the issue of sexually transmitted diseases, which are alarmingly on the rise. The use of condoms reduces the risk of contracting some, it does not avoid them altogether, and it is not useful to avoid others.