Kissing and caresses in courtship
Being young and spirited, with the bug of love in the heart, is evident that in the manifestation of mutual love are shown too effusive.
Consult: while it is clear that premarital relations are sin, I would like some clarifications on the subject of kissing and petting in a couple who have not yet married.
I answer, first of all, with the reflections of P. Carlos Buela, in the article "The Catholic Courtship" (cf. Magazine Diálogo N º 4 1992, pp. 11-14):
Being young and spirited, with the little bug of love in their hearts, mentalized by all pan sexualist propaganda and sometimes, even by some, as P. Cornelio Fabro calls them, theologian porn, it is evident that in the manifestation of love mutual is too effusive. There is a whole fashion, to which not many people steal, in dances, dares in walking together, caught as windy, in passionate and endless kisses, hanging from one another like overcoats on the coat rack; our "Lunfardo" characterizes this with a word: "franeleros". In cultured language, they are called "Knead". Many young people have been led to believe that the essence of courtship is to spend hours rubbing and sobbing more than a butler's girth. Those flirting, groping and kissing of boyfriends and girlfriends who adhere to each other like ivy to the wall and who do not reach a complete sexual relationship is realized because the imaginary pleasures are more alive, more fascinating, more lasting, more intimate, more secret, and stronger than the pleasures and delights of the body. It is much more exciting and more 'spiritual', for some, to do everything to get to the sexual relationship, but stay on the threshold.
Even outside the moral aspect, these actions are of very deplorable consequences:
1) Are often caused by frigidity, especially in women, because on the one hand, it feels a certain pleasure and at the same time, afraid that things will happen to older people, so it seeks to repress what it feels.
2) As I am assured by some physicians, it may be, in some cases, cause of infertility in marriage: the pain that after great actions feel in their genitals both boyfriends, it is undeniable evidence that nature protests for misuse.
3) Generally, these practices push the masturbation and the young person, also, to the brothel (where they masturbate it because it is not an act of love what it does with a prostitute). The most serious thing is that the one who is accustomed to masturbation, still married continues to do so, thus the same act of marriage becomes masturbation of two. The selfishness of which he habitually falls in solitary sin is so chronic, that, by the result, he concludes being impotent to perform the sexual act for love, as God commands. To this, they push the brides that very loose of body excite the groom believing that thus, they will love them more. I do not hesitate to say that this is the main cause of so many family misfortunes. When she or he discovers that the other uses it as an object, by selfishness, the death of love is almost inevitable and from there, fights, ruptures, and separations. Because, it must be said quite clearly: generally when a marriage is well-sexual, all other problems find the solution easily.
4) Do not forget that "although all the powers of the soul are infected by original sin", St. Thomas teaches, especially (among other faculties) ... the sense of touch, which, as we all know, extends through the whole body.
5) In the case of normal beings, there is very little that can provoke excitement; then, everything that can produce it must be completely avoided. Wanting to avoid excitement and not avoid effusiveness, is like trying to put out a fire with naphtha. The couple on the subject of purity have the same obligations as singles. To the question always repeated: Priest, how far is it not sin? some respond with the well-known formula that can be found in any good moral handbook: As long as there is no consent in any disordered pleasure. But this principle as much as the young people have engraved in his soul with letters of fire loses all efficiency when the flame of the passion is ignited; the most prudent thing is to advise the bride and groom, as was done once: Be as brothers. We perceive the leftover smile of some who spend all day talking about brothers (not referring to this), but the experience tells us that that is the effective and countless boyfriends and girlfriends have thanked us wholeheartedly and live, now, a very happy marriage. All the sacrifices made during the courtship to respect each other, are nothing compared to the so great and blessed fruits, that by those sacrifices, will be held in the marriage. All that the young people do in this sense will not end up thanking tomorrow, for it will result in the happiness of the spouse, in the happiness of the children and in the happiness of those who surround them. And, on the contrary, what they do not do in this sense, letting themselves be dragged by the whirlwind of passion, will be the cause of bitter sadness, of great disappointment and frustration. The fruit of selfishness cannot be joy or peace. Joy is the expression of the one who has fallen in luck with what loves.
As far as P. Buela says. We can synthesize the moral doctrine on affection, in general, saying the following:
-The demonstrations of affection are lawful, accepted by the customs and uses, which are a sign of courtesy, urbanity, and education.
-Unofficial expressions (hugs, kisses, glances, thoughts, desires) are illicit with the express and deliberate intention of sexual or venereal pleasure, even if one does not have the will to reach a complete sexual relationship.
-They are also illicit when, even without the deliberate intention of sexual or sexual pleasure, they are the next occasion of internal sinful acts (bad thoughts, desires, etc.).
-With more reason, full sex is illicit.
In summary: "They reserve for the time of the marriage the manifestations of tenderness specific of the conjugal love" (Catechism of the Catholic Church, n º 2350).