Do I need to control my jealousy?
Author: Staff | Source: Catholic.net
When he looks at another girl, I can't stand it! When she looks at someone else, I can't stand it!
Face it, as much as you want, you can't remedy it, and you oversee everything he or she does. You think it's normal, it's part of love.
When does jealousy become a problem?
Jealousy is a complicated emotion that provokes distrust accompanied by thoughts of heartbreak towards the loved one. It's normal to feel them, yes, but not with intensity. It is not normal that without being suspicious of your partner and submit to constant evidence of affection. The problem with jealousy has a root that has to do with its self-esteem and auto image, sense of integrity, moral and cultural values. Jealousy makes a dent in people with low self-esteem, who become suspicious and insecure.
The American psychotherapist, Tina M. Tessina, explains that jealousy "arises in people who have developed a poor image of themselves or believe that they no longer offer interesting expectations to their partners". If there is no proper space for each of the two, you run the risk of being someone incapable of doing anything alone. When you look for a little independence, natural areas of autonomy, the other feels bad and jealousy arises. A saying goes: "The lion believes that others are of his condition". If you're unfaithful, it's logical that you think they're going to do the same to you. You want to change? How would you like to be, what could you do to achieve the change of attitude?
Love is yours exclusive; friendship, No. We all want to love and be loved. When jealousy does not cloud the relationship, they can have positive effects. At the time we live we need a minimum presence of jealousy. The person who feels "healthy" jealousy does not develop limiting behaviors of the other's freedom. However, the negative jealousy, excessive, wears the relationship to the point of ending it; they're destructive.
Do not see ghosts
The jealous gives many laps to the imagination and can become convinced that what happens in your mind is true. They see ghosts: they are infuriated by a slightest suspicious gesture. It is often that those who suffer from jealousy do not recognize it. It is vital that you accept and dialogue. The jealous person believes to know more about you than yourself (Bárbara Breva). Benedict XVI says that man only knows himself when he learns to know himself from God, and he only knows the other when he sees in him the mystery of God (cf. Jesus of Nazareth, 331).
Do you know how to overcome them?
Pathological jealousy is a disease and can cause personality disorders: sleep disturbances, feeding, obsessive thoughts and emotions of anger, sadness and very intense anxiety. To overcome them you have to recognize yourself jealous, want to get rid of them and try to suffer less. A specialist is often required to help. The jealous person can hardly be happy because of his continued need to control the other. No person "belongs" as if it were an object. Children are not "property" of parents; spouses are not owned by each other, but they belong in a much deeper way. Human beings do not belong as a possession, as a thing, but in responsibility. They belong because they accept the freedom of the other and hold each other in knowing each other and loving each other.
A) The first thing is to try to set aside obsessive thoughts. He thinks, "I'm going to get sick if I don't get obsessions." B) accepts that you are and asks for help. C) Reinforce your self-esteem. D) don't think the other one belongs to you.
Prayer to ask for the release of jealousy
Lord, my God, I come today to ask you for help. I hope you come to help me because the jealousy I feel makes me suffer a lot. It is an unpleasant sensation, a motor force so strong and uncontrolled that it makes me take petty attitudes, selfish, vengeful and destructive.
I know that no one deserves to be treated like that, being watched the whole day, but it's as if my senses are spent looking for reasons to feed the distrust and jealousy.
Sir, I sought the professional help of therapists, I tried to do control exercises, I decided many times to divert my attention and do other exercises to control my impulses, but I failed.
Because of this sickly jealousy I lost many friendships, I destroyed relationships and professional relationships. This behavior distances me from coexistence with others and from healthy relationships.
There is nothing more terrible than being alone, abandoned, with friends getting farther and farther away. Many times, I was seen as selfish by this feeling.
Lord, free me from this terrible feeling! My parents, my friends, the people with whom I lived in this time tell me that I need to change, that I need help to transform this behavior, that is why I come to you, it is in you that I seek my help.
I ask the Holy Spirit, who has the power to renew all things, a rebirth for a new life. Come Holy Spirit, enlighten my life, help me heal my inner wounds. Cure me of all traumas, conscious or unconscious, that may be causing this jealousy.
I ask you Holy Spirit that Your light comes to my thoughts, teaching me to deal with what I do not know. Free me Lord, from the bitter roots of jealousy, insecurity, fear of losing the other. Free me from all the feelings of loneliness and inferiority that produce this jealousy.
Come Holy Spirit! Give me the grace to be a safe person, happy with yourself, without fear of losing your place in the lives of others.
Holy Spirit of God free me of all malign influence in my feelings, of all obsessive ideas that often imprison the other, in my disordered affections. Come and give me a new heart, a new life, new thoughts.
Free me from divisions and discord caused by exaggerated and unfounded jealousy. Forgive me Lord for my jealousy and for all the suffering I caused to others.
Today I want to start again, covered with your Holy Spirit, because He will help me control my whole being, so that I can love the other with unconditional love.