Afraid to Talk to a Pretty Girl
Author: Staff | Source: Catholic.net
Let's face it... We live in a world that tells us that the more you take advantage (affectively or sexually) of women (and in greater number, the better), the more man you are. Unfortunately this way of thinking impregnates each time with greater strength in the minds and hearts of many who thus betray their deep desires to love, care, respect and love a woman forever.
Perhaps, the short film presented in this post tells the story of a man who experiences those "deep desires" to approach a girl who attracts him but does not dare. From this story I want to present three issues regarding the relationship of couples that I consider valuable: The attraction, the idealization of relationships and masculinity.
St. John Paul II, before he was elected Pope, wrote a great book called Love and Responsibility, that presents from a very incarnate (and Christian) perspective sexuality centered on love. I Recommend reading to anyone who reads this post and is interested in reflecting from a Catholic perspective on these issues.
In this book it is explained that the attraction is the first, natural and obvious part in the relations between man and woman:
The general analysis of love sees its first element in the appeal. We have said that love meant a mutual relationship between two people, women and men, founded on their attitude towards good. This attitude has its origin in attractiveness. Like means, more or less, to be presented as a good. Women can easily look like a man and vice versa.
It is valuable to understand that the fact that there is an attraction indicates the possibility of a good, and to begin to act orienting me towards that "well-discovered" which is the other person means to walk towards love. That´s why it is very important to build relationships with patience, hope, prudence and courage to know how to act appropriate.
However, as shown in the video, this determination to "build" is hampered when we become entangled in projections and idealisms about a relationship. Then we fall into innumerable "perhaps yes, maybe not", "and what if I tell you that...", "and what if you tell me that", they keep us in a contradictory "comfort" and lead us not to act according to what we crave in the background. This happens to keep in our mind and heart unjustified fears, lack of reconciliation, fear of rejection or what they will say, etc. This situation is very well reflected when the protagonist of the short film says: "Maybe she is everything, just not for me."
Many times we have good intentions, we want a serious relationship, that lasts, that points to the top, but we have to be determined and realistic. To understand that not everything will be perfect, to know how to solve the problems being who we are and acting according to our purest and deepest convictions. That is to say, to have a project based on our aspirations and goals to reach, but with real foundations.
It is valuable to understand that the fact that there is an attraction indicates the possibility of a good, and to begin to act Orientándome towards that "well-discovered" which is the other person means to walk towards love.
Finally, is important to talk about what true masculinity means, to be authentically men. For this I will give three criteria, perhaps not very accepted by the current "culture", but very valuable and transcendental in any relationship (also at the beginning): Purity, service and reverence.
Real men understand that women are not "collectibles" and therefore do not use them to meet their own carnal needs (even if they themselves are not respected, which also happens). If we look at our heart we realize that we want something more solid, more consistent. That´s why the experience of purity is very important.
Love is not selfish self-satisfaction that seeks its own wellbeing. When you love someone you want the happiness of the loved one. This is nothing more than to seek their well-being beyond material, their inner reconciliation, their emotional equilibrium. A generous and selfless service attitude will help us reach it
Reverence is nothing other than that which is always demanded of us by women when they speak of the famous "chivalry", but giving it a deeper and spiritual sense. This is the budget of all true love, as it opens our eyes to the deep value of the other person and to their needs (the so-mentioned "details") and expresses itself in the value that is given to that other individuality that begins to form part of my life.
Why not follow the current of today's world and "do what everyone does" as far as relations with women are concerned? Jason Evert gives us an interesting answer in his book Pure Masculinity: "Adopt that attitude in the sport and you will never be selected for a team. Try it in the studios and you will never get to college (or with your work and never go ahead). Try it in your marriage and the divorce will be inevitable. Try it like dad and your kids will keep a grudge. We have been created to live something greater than ourselves. "
I hope that these reflections can help especially men (but also women-to understand us a little more-and thus contribute to the lives of those who want to leave the "maybe" to turn them into a beautiful reality that allows them to live the happiness of a life in fidelity and purity with the loved one.