Affection and Couple's Conflicts
At the bottom of some anger there is usually affection

Author: P. Fernando Pascual | Source:

Some couple conflicts have an origin that could be considered as "good". The husband, out of love for his wife, gets angry if she continues to smoke, if she does not take care of that chronic cough, if she is going to a neighborhood where there are few policemen and many thieves. The wife, likewise, is disturbed by how little her husband sleeps and how much he works, for that morning that he went to work with a little fever, for the club he has chosen with friends not very recommendable.


At the bottom of these anger is, in general, affection. We do not want the other to suffer, or to risk, or to get sick, or to ruin their psychology, or to do something wrong. For their own sake, because we love them, we repeat the same advice a thousand times, the same prayers, to avoid real or imagined evils.

But sometimes those signs of affection and good will come to conflict, and then love is in second place to make way for open struggle.

It seems a lie, but there are marriages that have failed from a shock that was born of love, of a concern for the good of the other party. Perhaps before there have been other clashes, another series of factors that have given more prominence to the spark. The "marriage therapy" consists precisely in cushioning the blows of each day so that there is a total shock from a conflict that begins precisely with a council that is born of the love we have for the wife or husband.

With a little serenity we could realize that love should lead us to an interest in the other and, at the same time, respect for their freedom, also when doing something that seems dangerous to us or with which we do not agree. Marital life does not guarantee absolute control over the will of the other party. That is why it is so important to continually renew the bonds of love that allow us to overcome the daily frictions, which allow us to accept a council not as an interference in "my" plans, but as a new show of affection on the part of those who love me and whom I love. I want.

That is an effective way to overcome the dreaded daily frictions. When mom proposes which school to send to the greatest of the children, a remarkable diversity of points of view will be possible. But the love will allow each decision of the couple and the family is not a wound that erodes the common life, but an opportunity to renew the yes and walk together forward. This will be possible if we learn to dialogue, to see the other point of view, to harmonize ideas and to make calm and balanced decisions, which will not always be something intermediate between what each one considered as the best, but sometimes what he wanted. part because the other party has been able to give in non-essential aspects (always, of course, in the limit of reasonable).

Only at the end of life, when we cross the threshold of death towards the world that awaits us, will we realize how beautiful it is to live, already on this earth, centered not in our point of view, but in what we can do happy to those who live by our side. Especially when that someone is their own husband or wife.

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