20 Toxic Emotions and 20 Vitamins for Marriage
Author: Salvador Casadeval | Source: Catholic.net
As Javier Escrivá and Ivars explain very well:
Love is like a plant: it needs water (affection, consideration, respect, trust, etc.), it needs fertilizer (details, intimacy, hope, joy, etc.), and it needs pruning (rectification of defects, eradication of bad habits , etc.); otherwise, it dries up.
In other words, a mature spousal relationship will not be possible if we do not take care of it on a day-to-day basis, if we do not feed it with vitamins (positive emotions), and if we do not defend it from everything that can poison it or contaminate it (toxic emotions).
20 Toxic Chemicals to Avoid:
1. Never tell the other that you love him: it is assumed that he already knows.
2. To hold a grudge against the other's mistakes and not to want to forgive him.
3. Look only at the other's faults, and not on their virtues
4. Get used to the company of the other: that seems normal, something we deserve.
5. Play with their love, considering that there are more important things: frequent outings alone, become intimate with other people.
6. Mechanize the love relationship, do not take care of details.
7. Never laugh at home, reserve joy for the outside.
8. Never tell the other how well they do something.
9. Ignore the other.
10. Refusing to have children because they only create problems.
11. Judge the intentions of the other. Interpret their gestures and their words: "I already know why you say this or that ... In the end, you always ...".
12. Become a father or mother for the other. Practice the parental techniques with the spouse: "do this, do not do that, say hello, smile, eat well, ...".
13.Use irony, sarcasm, shouting, ridicule, disqualification or disdain when addressing the other.
14. Doubt, distrust, always think badly, anticipate events in negative, etc.
15. Not wanting the other as he is, but as we would like him to be.
16. Be passive, wait for the other to always take the initiative.
17. Be conformist. Believe that "if we are good", better not to make changes that "complicate life".
18. Instrumentalize the other.
19. Put barriers to dialogue: close communication regularly and prolonged.
20. Be unfaithful to the project in common, but not exclusively understood as sentimental and/or sexual relationships with another person, but in its entirety.
20 Vitamins to Look Forward to:
1. Tell him every day that he is wanted: you like to listen to him, even if he already knows it.
2. Learn to forgive and forget mistakes.
3. Fix yourself to your virtues. Think that one also has defects.
4. Thank each day the possibility of having him close: do not take him for granted.
5. Protect the most important thing that one has: the love of the other. Do not risk it and take care of it with all your strength.
6. Enjoy each other with every detail and strive to have new love details every day.
7. Spread joy. Dispense with the negative and look for the positive that people and things hold, be optimistic, have good humor and know how to laugh.
8. Admire and respect the other. When one loves another, it is important to tell him what we like and value about him, always from a position of sincerity and honesty, and never to manipulate or get something we want.
9. Listen to him. Feeling heard is very rewarding!
10. Be loyal and stay true to the commitment acquired, work every day to rekindle that common project, try to make that initial illusion, that love, grow; or, at least, it is maintained, and life is rewarding for both.
11. Being open to life, taking care of children and work are not always the priority.
12. Not to judge. There is nothing more reckless than making foolhardy judgments.
13. Respect the other: is an adult and responsible person. They do not need anyone to tell them what to do, how to do it, when to do it.
14. To love him as he is.
15. Respect the forms: they count, and a lot. Familiarity should not become ordinariness, insensitivity, disrespect or rudeness.
16. Trust is basic. The conjugal relationship must always be presided over by a basic trust, that is to say: to be sure of being able to trust in the spouse, and that you will always find him by our side.
17. Take the initiative, be creative. Each spouse has to take full responsibility for improving the relationship. Marriage is not one's thing, it's a two-person thing.
18. Accept the changes, understand that the relationship is dynamic, that both one and the other spouse change over time, and that the two have to adjust to those changes.
19. Support him, respect his freedom and seek his full personal development.
20. Dialog. Silence and lack of communication are the biggest enemies.