20 Mistakes I Shouldn't Have Commited
Author: Staff | Source: Catholic.net
I went ahead too, I got carried away, I gave in... And to get to that, I made a mistake after mistake!!! To speak this with you has served me a lot, this was only kept for me. Now I have my ideas clearer and I have the firm intention of leaving behind that destructive relationship. It hurts me to have waited so long to end up in a relationship like that, which I always cared for. It's something I'm always going to reproach myself for. I don't deny that I'm too afraid to fall back because he always comes back. I'm afraid to make the same mistakes. I ask God to give me strength to stand firm in what I have now proposed.
In my childhood and adolescence, you can say that I was calm. I was clear on what I wanted. I always said that the day I had a boyfriend, I would choose him well: he would be an excellent man.
I entered college and had not yet been in love, although my friends introduced me to boys and hated that, and that, according to them, I suffered for not having in love. They wanted at all costs for me to know what it was like to give a kiss and many other things.
Comment #1: never miss the Friends "matchmakers" that, if you're single, you show up boy after boy and pressure you because they do not understand that you can be alone, even if you're better. There's no need to rush just for "happy friends," there's no rush in having a boyfriend.
I don't deny that sometimes I did want to meet someone to share things with, but all those who came I didn't like them, and I don't talk about the physicist.
Well, as I was saying, I got to college without ever having a crush. There I met new people with different ideologies and religions. As in the school, I became "the psychologist" of the group, the one to whom everyone comes asking for some advice, always listening to the problems of others and advising, even solving problems of love. Yes, on this I gave advice without them to know that I had not had any experience.
Time passed and they got to know me a little more. At some point they asked me about my boyfriend, and to his surprise I answered that I did not have any. Then they thought there was some ex in my past whom I had loved very much, which is why I was not with someone now. I decided to tell them that I had never had a boyfriend, and I think that was a big mistake.
Error #1: Let them know that you are a virgin in college. Everyone is going to find out, and there are guys for whom your virginity becomes a challenge, a "jackpot". If they ask you? Tell them it's not their business to know, no matter what they think you're not a virgin.
I had a colleague who most of them (the rest of the group) had no good comments about. We didn't hang out much until the fourth semester began to get closer to me. I felt like I wasn't a bad person and I just needed someone to listen to it, so I told her, and she made me feel better about it.
Error #2: Do not take into account the unfavorable comments and convince yourself that you are not a bad person "because I feel it." Don't forget that "when the river rings, it's because stones bring".
And if a guy tells you you're very good and he's going to stay away from you because he's going to hurt you, BELIEVE him that he's going to hurt you. It's better if you stay away from him and don't think you're going to be good at it and you're not going to get hurt. You understand: Sooner or later you're going to get hurt if you're still with him.
Error #3: Even if everyone says it's not good, "I'm sorry I'm not a bad person". Therefore, "he only needs me to listen to him", in other words, to believe that you are the one who will change him, the one that will save him. But let's see how this story ends, so you understand that it's a big mistake to think like that...
We went to the next semester and he started calling me and visiting me at my house. For this, I lived alone because college was far from home, so my parents decided to rent an apartment near the university.
Error #4: Receive him in your apartment alone, thinking that "nothing will happen". It is probable that the first time nothing happens, but that gives rise to the visits continue, because, as we will see later, things begin to happen ... Excessive confidence in one and the other person leads to recklessness and recklessness , which then pay dearly. You should know that being alone with a boy in an apartment, in a house, in a room with a bed ... sooner or later will lead to things happening, because the temptation becomes very strong.
He would come to me to explain schoolwork, we helped each other, but deep down I knew that he didn’t go only with that intention that he wanted something more.
Error #5: Total naivety! A single apartment, or your room, or a hotel room, is not exactly the best place to explain schoolwork, help yourself! go watch a movie first or go for a walk... Understand that this is just an excuse to build confidence and then move forward more and more.
Error #6: Ignore your intuition that tells you that "he wants something else". It's like ignoring a fire alarm that's starting to ring. What happens if the alarm sounds and you stay in your apartment, knowing that basically that means the fire is advancing? Your intuition is an inside alarm, and those alarms are here to protect you from danger. Listen to them!
Error #7: To receive a drunken man in your apartment, believing that you are a "good Samaritan", or thinking that he needs you, or maybe he loves you, and that's why he's looking for you in that state. If receiving him in your apartment or house being alone is a serious mistake, this is worse.
He began to insinuate himself with flirtations, but I put him in his place. Then this became a game that he wanted to win. He didn't accept an inexperienced girl ditching him.
Error #8: He begins to advance. Now the wolf starts to take off the sheep's disguise. Fangs begin to hover. The mistake is not to be radical and end up with the root game. Sticking with it and "putting it in place" again and again is not a great triumph, it is the path to ultimate defeat; It is not a sign of strength, but of weakness.
I don't know how, but the first kiss just happened, and more kisses happened then.
Error #9: Let me kiss you. The kiss awakens new sensations, increases confidence in a person who is not trustworthy. When you kiss, you start to want more and more, little by little you become dependent on it, you start to need it.
Everything was new to me and, according to me, I thought I could handle the situation.
Error #10: lack of humility. You convince yourself that you have everything under control, that you are the owner of the situation, when you’re not! It is necessary to have a lot of humility and a healthy distrust in yourself, if you don't want to continue making mistakes.
There were nights when I felt bad because something inside me was telling me that this was not right.
Error #11: Ignoring your conscience, silencing it and continuing despite the fact that "something inside of you" cries out that you are not going the right way. So, instead of radically ending with that relationship, you're still in the same, rather, you keep advancing more and more and silencing the voice of your conscience over and over again.
Then I listened to my friends who talked about their love affairs or "one-night stands" and I thought it was not bad what I did, because "they all do it".
Error #12: Seek not only to silence the voice of your conscience, but to justify yourself and convince yourself that what you’ve done is actually fine "because everyone does it too". Evil of many, consolation of fools. Only the courageous attitude of admitting that it is not right what you have done can lead you to cut with the situation and not continue making mistakes. Justify what you have done and convince you that "it is normal" despite the cry of your conscience will only keep you moving forward.
At that point I decided to teach this kid how to treat girls. According to me, I was going to "fall in love."
Error #13: This is a new version of the error #3: "I'll change it by making him fall in love with me." The mistake is to believe that you will fall in love with you the more kisses you deliver, the more you allow the caress to advance. That will only "love" you more and more of your body and the pleasure you give.
They started the long kisses, and he asked me to give him a kiss that lasted quite a while. With those kisses came more and more daring caress. He played my body and asked to masturbate me.
Error #14: Allow prolonged or passionate kisses. They're an entrance door for stronger things.
Error #15: Not knowing how to say “no” to what he asks, perhaps for fear of losing him. Give in to the pressure, to their desires, convincing that "there is nothing wrong as long as we don't have sex".
Comment #2: Do you still believe that you have control of the situation? Or is he the one who knows what he's doing and is slowly taking you to where he wants to be? With the obvious loss of control, the will is increasingly weakened, until, finally, it is only a matter of "letting go".
Even though we didn't get to have sex, I felt bad after he left. I told myself it would never happen again.
Error #16: Your mistake is to want to soothe your pain by telling yourself that it will "never happen again" without radical means: not receiving him again; we go back to error #9: I have control; the error is repeated #11: ignore your conscience; feel bad, ashamed, humiliated, used, reproaching yourself.. And to believe that a "will not happen again", but to continue receive, to continue believing that "I will change it".
Comment #3: Repentance is like a heart ache. "Feeling bad" is not a bad thing. It's an internal pain that warns you of a wound. It hurts, like when it hurts if you cut yourself. It's again an inside alert that says, "You're doing something wrong, " "You're letting yourself go," "He's doing with you what he wants," "he's stealing something that doesn't belong to him."
He'd disappear for a few weeks, then he'd come back, and I'd get him again and I couldn't tell him everything I had planned.
Error #17: Receive him again after he has disappeared. Forgive him all, "because I want him," because "I miss him," because "now it's going to be different."
Comment #4: He already has control and dominance over you. As soon as you meet him, you forget everything you planned to say, your knees get all shaky, you're unable to say “no”. He knows he can do with you whatever he wants.
Until once he came to my apartment when I had drank a little more than I should have at a party, even though I wasn't drunk, and I lost my virginity with him. I was 22 years old.
Error # 18: Drinking more and letting him enter your apartment when you are under the influence of alcohol. "When the wick is impregnated with alcohol, it is too short to turn it off." Alcohol is a disinhibitory, that is, you do nonsense, you cannot say no, you lose control of yourself. By the time the effect of alcohol passes, it will be too late.
After that I felt shattered. I could not believe what had happened to me. Despite feeling like this, I got up and went to class as usual, showing a smile from ear to ear, as if nothing happened to me.
#5 Comment: How many, day by day, under that smile, hide the damage that makes them similar relationships? You think, "They look so happy leading a life like this!" Is it true? What lies behind so many laughs and smiles?
When I came across him or looked at me, rather, he began to annoy other girls.
Comment #6: When a woman gives something, even if it is just a kiss, she hopes to be the only one, she expects something in return: attention, that has meant something to the other person. It's terrible when the next day he doesn't even notice you. It is terrible, because you collide with the reality that for him "it was nothing", that for him you have only been "one more conquest". Can you stand it?
The days passed and he wrote me to give me orders of what I should do, with whom I should speak or not, etc. He felt like my owner, and the worst thing is that I started to feel that I should listen to him. I do not know how I managed to make things clear to him, telling him that despite what had happened, he had no right to rule in my life, and that I was determined to leave him.
Comment #7: Typical effect when a man has sex with a virgin woman: as he has conquered, he believes he is the owner. He starts to be jealous because it's his possession, and because if he did it with me, he can do it with another. He doesn't trust her anymore, because he has before. And the woman, when she has delivered everything, is tied to the man, attached to him, by the effect of oxytocin.
The months went by and again and again we were. It gave me courage with myself for not having the strength to deny myself because I knew that I would feel terribly bad afterwards.
Error #19: Talk to him once you've told him "this is over." Not to remember the reasons why you decided to end that relationship. Not being firm in your decision and giving him "another chance, letting your "NO" slowly become a "yes" again.
Comment # 8: When you talk to him again, when you receive him "to talk", you give him the message that you are a conceited and capricious person, that you only make pretend and make him beg when truth is you do want him back. What will happen is hell ‘go back to being himself (abandon you, not answer you, insult you, even hit you), you will always return to him as soon as you meet him face to face, he’ll just beg for forgiveness (if necessary he’ll cry), he’ll just tell you "I love you" and "I cannot live without you".
Until I summoned my courage and started to have strength and deny myself. I do not deny that there were kisses, but they were short, because I already started to deny myself. Then he began to say that he loved me, that he missed me, that everything we lived was very beautiful, and I started to get confused, to think that this is love, I began to remember our encounters and to want to be with him, I started not to think of God and believe that He approved of this relationship.
Comment #10: Typical emotional and sentimental manipulation, to tell the woman "I love you", "I miss you", "ours was so beautiful". You see what it produces in women: confusion, the illusion that "he truly loves me!" The only goal is to make you fall again. I was entangled in a relationship that destroyed me little by little. I decided to talk to him to be like boyfriends, to "formalize" the relationship.
Error #20: Believing that the solution is to "formalize". Clinging to the person, or the illusion you have of it, or the feeling you have toward it, or the idea that "with that will eventually change" and "be well what we do". It's a big mistake not wanting to let go, "fight for that love" when it's all light is a harmful relationship. The only solution is to get away from the boy.
He did not want to, he said that love does not exist and that the only thing that matters is enjoying, feeling pleasure, having a good time. He even came to tell me I should try to be with other people! I felt so anxious I cried, I hated myself so much! I didn't even get angry with him, the rage was within myself because I knew what it was, and so I let all this happen. I blamed myself so much! I even came to want to die, I didn't understand why this happened to me, why God let this happen, from so much pain I started to disown the love of God.
Comment # 11: Typical immature reaction: blame God for the bad decisions one makes. God was warning you all the time! Didn’t he send all those alarms in you? Your intuition? The voice of your conscience that yelled again and again that that was not right? The pain of repentance? The shame? Has not God put all that in you, to protect you? If in spite of all that, we decided to continue hurting ourselves ... it is not God's fault.
Besides, I felt that I was a hypocrite, because everyone had a great concept about me, they did not really know who I was, I felt disgusted with myself.
#12 Comment: It is what happens with women: she despises herself, feels dirty, hates herself, and her self-esteem goes down. If you do not have a "new opportunity", if you have no way out, if you are not forgiven and learn to forgive yourself, if you do not learn to value yourself despite how low you have fallen, what will you do? Just look for crumbs of affection in every boy you find, delivering sex to those who say "I love you" to feel valued, because you do not value yourself. If you don't decide to seek help, a bad relationship will lead to another bad relationship, you'll give up looking for a true love, because you'll think it doesn't exist or you don't deserve it. Your life will become a disaster.
Actually, I do not know if I really fell in love with him, I think not, but I did come to miss him. I think the simple fact of having been intimately with him made me feel the need to see him again. I was clear that he only wanted sex, but deep down in me I had the hope that he would fall in love with me. I think that many girls make the mistake of continuing in destructive relationships because having given our virginity to someone makes us think that he is our owner and that since no one will accept us that way, it is better to continue with him.
The woman who thinks "I will change him" finally ends up changing her, and not for the better.
I suffered a lot, but I walked away and understood that God had never left me, that he was always there. Despite my anger, my desire to die, he was with me. Little by little I wanted to continue. I always wanted to confess but never did, I was too ashamed, until once I decided. That day I felt free and in peace!
God showed me the light in that terrible darkness in which I found myself. I turned away from that boy, I left him for good, I wished him well. I don't hold a grudge. I'm trying to forgive myself, and that's the hardest part. Now things are going back to being like before, it's more, even much better. I’m finishing college, I’m very close to graduating, I feel that everything is going well, I feel so close to God, I feel that he lives in me.
I don't deny that I still cry at night, but those same tears help me heal the wound. And now that I've found this space to share my story, I feel more like going on! God put you guys in my way and next to you I will overcome this painful chapter of my life.
Guys, I hope my testimony will be of some use to you. Don't make the same mistakes I made. The encouragement to live chastity, which is not just "not having sex" is much more than that, begins by not admitting in our lives to a person who know that it is not good for us, is to heed the signs, not going forward when our own conscience tells us that something is wrong , is to not keep moving, is to end things when we are in time, is purify our hearts of all selfishness to be able to love and be truly loved.
A.V. 24, Ecuador.
Written testimony for the young people of option V and commented by our team of LOV.