9 pieces of Advice That Will Be Good For Your Family
Author: Staff | Source: Catholic.net
Family psychologist Maria Jose Marcilla form the Center of Family Orientation of the Two Sisters, in Sevilla, explains that among the most common causes of conflict with in-laws are:
- Excessive interference by the family of origin - even when they are well-meaning -
- The absence of clear boundaries.
- Poorly channeled material or emotional dependencies.
- The coldness in the treatment.
- Poorly healed extenders.
- The accumulated satiety and the lack of communication.
Dr. Teresa Barrera, a family psychologist in the cabinet of Doctor Chiclana, warns that "many times we think that we arrived at marriage and everything is done, and that it will be easy to build a new family leaving behind our family of origin. However, this change implies a process of 'dueling the exit' for all, which is not always easy. And more if we do not realize that the two families of origin are equally important, as they are part of our history, they are the root of the person we love most and will be relevant to our children. "
Both psychologists offer 9 practical tips to have a good relationship with the political family:
1. The two equally.
Value the two families of origin equally: both are equally important because they are the roots of the person we want.
2. Clear project.
Each family nucleus has its own values, priorities, styles of communicating and educating, ways of expressing affection... If we talk about it as marriage and we know where we want to lead our family, we will relate to other families without seeing them as a threat.
3. Together, but not scrambled.
Setting limits is necessary to relate in a healthy way, but they should not be improvised, but agreed upon by the couple, and each expressed with their family of origin.
4. Avoid comparisons.
Do not criticize or insult your political family, and less in front of your spouse. Avoid comparisons: we are different, not better or worse.
5. Do not break the bridges.
If necessary, increase the distance, but never disrespect or break the relationship with the political family.
6. Value and enjoy.
Value each member of your extended family on what is good. Do not devote time to the political family "by obligation", but to enjoy; and choose how to do it: if you want to go every Sunday to eat, let it be for a personal choice, free and that leaves you all good taste in your mouth.
7. Do not hoard.
Understand that your spouse loves his parents and other family because they are the ones he received the love he now knows how to give. Learn to be generous and don’t want to capture the fondness and love of your partner or your children.
8. Forgive and ask for forgiveness.
Conflicts may come, but speaking them to solve them, asking for forgiveness and forgiving even when they do not ask for forgiveness, is a greater triumph than stagnation in resentment.
9. Neither you nor your relatives are perfect.
The family is a gift for us and our children, are the foundations of our life, so even if the relationships are not as we would like, the family is important and we must dedicate time to listen, care, accept, forgive and enjoy. They are not perfect, but neither are we, thank God.