Why aren´t we happy when we compare ourselves with others?
Author: Silvana Ramos | Source: Catholic.link
I love the comparisons more, less, equal, almost as much as. To describe are fantastic, but only to describe. When they become an inner voice to qualify, we're in trouble.
You could say that everyone at some point in life have fallen into greater or lesser degree in this comparing ourselves in that effort we have to know whether we are better or worse than another. Comparisons are present from birth. I remember the following phrases when my second son was born: "It´s more thin Sister," "oops! Has blue eyes, the sister is going to be overzealous." Thousand comparisons between two brothers who had only minutes to known each other.
Comparisons can become very frequent thoughts in our lives. There are people who are constantly being measured all around. The need to know if you are above or below the standard that you rate the other you can even become an obsession and comparison parameters can be infinite: physical beauty, economic status, academic level, cultural level, many friends, the degree of fun, the commitment, the family situation, the type and number of children, etc. There are comparisons to everything. To qualify people, the simple return, with an assigned value according to the rating. And suddenly they appear people who are superior to others, that are worth more than others, who are superior to other or greater rights than other dignity.
What happens when we compare?
Comparisons bring much uncertainty and therefore anguish. How difficult all the time to be being evaluated! On the one hand we become objects with an assigned value, we are worth according to the standard we have achieved. If we do not consider this less, therefore we become anxious and insecure. In some cases this anxiety and insecurity can lead to jealousy and envy, and when we are already contaminated with these feelings we are easy prey to such harmful attitudes as lying, because to achieve the standard we have no choice but to appear so. Slowly we are losing that authentic unless within us and when we already feel satisfied, there is a danger that pride and arrogance have made us blind, so we started to believe us higher.
Why do we compare?
I have wondered many times what the reason why we are constantly comparing is. Why this attitude of wanting to have the highest possible rating to oneself and to society? I think the answer is simple: the need for the human being to be loved and that call to transcend, to be remembered. However, contaminated as we are, our desires are translated into comparisons encourage us far from us by force.
Among humans there is no valid comparison. There aren´t two identical men. Every human being is unique and unrepeatable. No one is exactly like you, or has your same experiences, or your own experiences. Even twins raised by the same parents are different, unique. We have been created in this way and each of us have given us gifts and own faculties, designed to carry performed within a plan that no one else can perform. So we can say that, beyond these unique features, I am already the dearest, the infinitely loved. To say this can be simple and easy but requires a daily reflection. To help us deepen three questions could help: how to allow more marvel at the reality of being loved for what we? Let us admire how to be loved by the One who is all? What is the use then you compare?
Oh omnipotent and good Lord, take care of each of your children as if it were the only one, and that all you care as if they were one!
Look at us with new eyes.
By comparing lose objectivity, we do not see in a comprehensive manner but reduced to one or a few features. Nor do we see in us all the good we have.
Look at us with new eyes.
By comparing lose objectivity, we don´t see in a comprehensive manner but reduced to one or a few features. Nor do we see in us all the good we have.
We learn then, with patience and love with ourselves and with others, to see ourselves as God sees us, to be objective and without the desire to qualify us, but with the desire to discover our gifts and put them in the service of others. A highly recommended exercise to learn to look at ourselves correctly is to make a list of our strengths and recognize how these are manifested in our daily work.