This ironic video shows us that the main cause of the divorce is not the infidelity. Do you know what it is?
Author: La Mamá Oca | Source: http://catholic-link.com/
Mix the words money and marriage is as or more complicated than combine policy and/or religion in a social gathering. And these videos, while showing him ironically, indicate a real problem that exists in many couples today, in which each time it speaks more of what is "mine" and what is "yours", and much less of what "our".
Indeed, in today's society money is power. But this premise worsens its connotation when we put it as a rule of family coexistence. As in everything that has to do with the interpersonal relations, there is a need to consider the particular features and the context in which it operates the relationship. However, on this occasion, we will focus on those cases in which there is some kind of pathology identified in any of the parties - gambling, compulsive spending, among others - but plain and simple little desire to share or much encouragement to dominate.
The opposite of love is selfishness
Selfishness is the worst evil that can be found in a family relationship. A selfish person not only what is with their material goods but also with the quantity and quality of love that can give your family. For example, it is very rare to see someone greedy with the money to be generous with your time. And it is perhaps at this personality completely centered on a same where fall the essential problems in a marriage. It is not only whether the other shares with justice their money, but what this lack of generosity implies in the rest of areas such as the relational communication, space, time, look, the attention, affection, respect, among others.
To speak of selfishness in material terms do not think only in the problems that can have the other person. It may happen that taking the opposite to someone very generous us selfish. An example of this is when a wife leaves shopping cart superfluous and you do not mind more to spend, without considering the cost of generating the said money or, even worse, could be allocated to cover real needs. This certainly will generate economic problems to the family. This situation is in contrast, in the same way her husband the toxic that absolutely everything seemed dispensable and does not allow a single "taste". Or that person who do not want to receive absolutely nothing, either by pride or by sacrifice misunderstood, which is also an act of selfishness because it allows the other exercise the generosity and therefore grow in this virtue. Nor is it a generous act, for example, that the husband gives money to his wife as a way to "buy" Tranquility, peace or to prevent questioning.
Be generous involves meeting the real need of the other. It is not give what they spare, which does not imply effort, or much less give it as a lesser evil. Nor the generosity must lead us to satisfy whims or give what we believe is "enough" to the other.
What would be the perfect model of economic management in a couple?
Considering that both spouses are responsible and know how to prioritize the real needs, could be attempted:
1. Elaboration of a family budget: this is essential. If both agree on what and how to spend the money in a responsible manner and to seek, above all, the welfare of the family, the following steps are very easy to follow. It is important, if you reach the income, that each has a monthly amount for personal expenses or "taste".
2. Joint account: No matter who wins more, it works very well that all the money generated by both be deposited in a bank account that is accessible to both spouses in equal conditions. If used correctly the family budget, there should be no problem in doing so.
3. Emergencies or unexpected costs: While on the family budget must have a line item to consider contingencies, when these appear both spouses should discuss how to deal with them.
4. Luxuries, travel and something more: the same as in the previous point, when there are surpluses, both husband and wife must decide together on what to spend that money. It often happened that he who earns the most is who decides what to do with these extras. However, it is much healthier for the marriage that is also considered as part of the family heritage and that the provision of its use is decided in dialog by the couple.
5. The generosity beyond the family: On the other hand, we must not forget that the generosity should also go beyond the marriage and the closest family. The share with others, that can have many needs, is an act of love that brings as main benefit the growth and strengthening of the family because it grows in virtue and this is fundamental to become full. And it is not necessary, in this, think necessarily in a crusade to eliminate hunger in the world. It is more likely that between members near our family or friends there are many people who might need a generous hand that come to meet them.
6. Properly assess: a key point when we talk about money and family is to assess whether we are able to assess what is important. What is worth more: have the money tucked into the bank with cumulative desire - beyond the intended to savings - or have a little of the same to spend a nice time in family somewhere away from home?
Finally, as mentioned above, we must banish the marriage any hint of selfishness. This is not something optional. As said David Isaacs in his book virtues for the familiar coexistence: "selfishness fostered by the consumer society, by the comfort and for the abandonment must be countered by the strength and by the unconditional handing over of those who act responsibly and generously as sons of God. There is the root of a good family coexistence".
Giuliana is social communicator and is studying a masters in marriage and family. She is a mom of a girl and a boy. 4 years ago that has the blog The Mother Goose that seeks to orient to the parents in the upbringing of children happy based on education in virtues.