My boyfriend insists on having sexual relationships
You cannot say “I love you” completely for some time, as I enjoy while I indulge

Author: Yusi Cervantes | Source: The Observer

My boyfriend insists we have sex, he says that: what is wrong? We love each other, nothing is going to happen... and I say I don´t want, I wonder why I don´t know how to explain. I do it because it's what my parents taught me, but do not quite understand the reasons.

Could you help me?

It´s enough that you want your boyfriend to stop insisting. It´s not a war of arguments. If you don´t want, even if you have clear your reasons, it´s not, period. Do not let press, ask him to respect you. It's as if someone has a very valuable ring and a friend asks you to give it away.

The friend can give all kinds of reasons to convince the owner of the ring, things like that I really like, I wish, I would have to give to prove you are my friend... But the owner of the ring has no need to justify its decision not give away his ring. I don´t want to give it and I won´t. And if so, lose the friend, it will signal that it was not a true friend. But let´s answer your question.

What the body expresses when people have sex is "I surrender to you, I love you only you, I love you totally, I love you forever." Our body is not something secondary, it´s an essential part of our individual being. If what we express with our body does not correspond to what we really think or feel, then we are lying and cheating, whether we know it or not.

In sexual relations outside of marriage that expression of delivery and total love is false, because it does not correspond to a situation of life in harmony with that expression. You cannot say I love you completely for a time, while we enjoy it as I pleased.

That's not true love. People can be honest, you probably really are trying to grow in love, but when having sex, they inadvertently are hurting their relationship. During a chaste courtship the couple know that the relationship may end. It´s not something they want, and if it happens it will hurt, but deeply to know and want to know if they can then make the decision to join their lives in marriage is precisely one of the objectives of courtship.

When they start having sex, along with an intensity difficult to handle at that stage, they are introduced to the false and contradictory messages relationship. The body language tells them being completely delivered, but they know that this can end. Become disposable objects. They are used each other for mutual pleasure.

Unconsciously, they degrade the image they had of each other. There are other points to consider. For example, during sex our bodies produce oxytocin, women more than men.

Among the functions of this hormone it´s to provoke feelings of intimacy and togetherness. Also men, but especially women fall in love again, are linked more and to stick to the person who had that experience. So the couple who have had sexual relationships suffer more when they separate and find it harder to make the decision, even if it´s necessary. There are also men who become disenchanted after having sex and emerge with some ease of women, leaving them desolate. Perhaps this is why the suicide rate among sexually active adolescent girls is higher than among which preserve virginity.

Sexuality being so strong, so intense, when the couple starts having sex the other aspects of the relationship go to the background. They no longer communicate as freely as before, the excitement of waiting is lost, it decreases the development of creative ways to express love.

But there are more serious problems: codependency is favored, increases fear of losing the other, love with desire and passion is confused. It´s as if the couple were put a bandage on the eyes and can no longer see each other with clarity before. For example, they are less able to end the relationship despite problems of alcoholism or infidelity.

There are more cases of dating violence who have sex than among those without. And for the future, marriages of those who had sex being boyfriends have a much higher divorce rate than those who do not.

We must also consider the issue of pregnancy. Without forgetting that every child is a blessing, the couple should consider before having sex if they are ready to be parents. Are you sure your boyfriend fully share responsibility? Educate your child with love and maturity? Do you have the ability to provide with everything you need? They may argue that they will take care not to have children (as if children were a danger, but that's another topic), yet we know that no contraceptive method that is 100 percent effective and that the mandate of nature is that relations sexual generate new individuals of that species. So whatever you do, there is always the possibility of having a child. We must take into account that hormonal contraceptives endanger the health of women and that one of its functions is abortifacient, especially in the case of the pill the next day. The IUD is highly addition harmful to the matrix abortifacient. Condom effectiveness is low. Many figures are handled, but we could calculate that failures are between 10 and 15 percent, but if used improperly failures are greater. There is also the issue of sexually transmitted diseases, which are alarmingly increasing. Condom use reduces the risk of some, not completely avoided; and it is not useful to prevent other.

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