Darling, I'll Tell You How I Feel When You See Pornography
Author: Silvia Ordoñez | Source: http://catholic-link.com
"Intimidated, insecure, rejected, trampled, undervalued, wounded", are some of the ways a group of women of all ages who are married to porn addicts feel. Their sad and worried expressions, some resigned or angry, make us understand a little better what they say at the end: "Pornography is destroying us both."
When I watched this video and started writing about it, I realized that when I speak of vices or addictions, I relate it directly to alcohol, drugs or even gambling, but I did not consider the addiction to pornography, a behavior that also destroys families, distances friendships and disturbs the person psychologically. This addiction leaves a permanent emptiness and a feeling of guilt that is hard to get over with.
According to a reporter from the New York Times, in 2001 the porn industry in the US produced more profit than the NBA. It answers many questions about the lack of control and the growing power of this harmful industry that negotiates with girls, boys, women and men of all ages, which are sold to the highest bidder as objects.
But what about the family of the addict? It is a tremendous burden for a wife who was thrilled to get married, surrendering completely to the love of her life, and then feeling that that was not enough, that she is not the only one for him; that he sees her just as another woman; that he has let her and their children down. These children grow up with resentment and distrust of their father, while accompanying their mother in solitude. This is the way it was revealed by a daughter who wrote a letter to his addict father.
There is a Sam Smith song entitled "I'm not the only one," that speaks of betrayal, and a verse says: "You have been so unavailable. Now I sadly know that I cannot have your heart, but the Lord knows that you have mine." That is precisely what the marriage is about: we offer our heart, our soul, our life to the other person before God, making both of us one flesh. This is why the women of the video, although they know that their husbands do not correspond to their affection, and betray them with many other women; they still struggle to get them back to make sense of their marriage, which as a sacrament is twofold: "the good of the couple and the transmission of life."
This means that the “conjugal love of man and woman thus stands under the twofold obligation of fidelity and fecundity." (Catechism of the Catholic Church). Faithfulness is even of thought, as Matthew said in his gospel: “But I say this to you, if a man looks at a woman lustfully, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5: 27-28)
For many, living chastity until marriage is absurd and outdated. But for a Catholic it is the means to prepare the way for his/her own self-control, and to be faithful to the beautiful yet hard path of marriage. In the words of John Paul II, "Chastity in no way means rejection and contempt of human sexuality: it rather implies spiritual energy capable of defending love from the perils of selfishness and aggressiveness, and is able to support it towards its full realization."
And since there is always hope and mercy, the fight against the addiction to pornography can be won, as revealed in the testimony of Jason Evert, who was an addict for a very long time, but who finally overcame the addiction. He found Crystallina, his fiancée, who also led a life that did not fulfill her. Together they decided to start living chastity from scratch. Now they are engaged in giving their testimonies in US schools; talking to young people on how to avoid so much suffering and bring them to discover true love in the vocation of marriage.