Adoption, a reality without fear
Author: Ma del Rosario G. Prieto Eibl | Source: Yoinfluyo.com
A beautiful story of generosity is given every time parents decide to adopt a child. The reasons are many: from the inability to conceive a child, to issues of social solidarity, by which, in addition to having a certain number of children, parents decide to give a better life to a small unprotected child.
What is essential in all cases is that the motivation be secured by the comprehensive and productive love which transmits life, which in this case is not biological but psychological, social and spiritual.
The decision to adopt is not easy. Both parents must face many psychological, social, material, spiritual and even legal issues. Doubts, feelings and thoughts that assail are endless, so they should be as well prepared for this act of no-nonsense humanity.
Adoption is possible for the greatness of heart of the people who see homeless children as a chance to start a family; fortunately, adoption awareness is increasing; however, we must be careful, because in many cases, children who can be adopted are in that situation because of suffering and broken families.
Many children are abandoned by single mothers who feel lonely; by families who are unemployed and cannot support another child; by the selfishness of a couple wanting to live their life without children; by the death of both parents and lack of placement of the child by grandparents or the extended family; by the terrible reality of domestic violence in which children must be rescued from their parents because they are subjected to physical or psychological abuse.
Transform a life of pain into a life of joy
The adoption stories usually do not have a happy beginning, an unhappy home is what often lies behind the loneliness of a child whether we find it in some street, an orphanage, a children´s home ...
However, the end can be happy. To rescue a child from loneliness and pain is an action that surely God will reward. Let us recall that "special attention must be devoted to the children by developing a profound esteem for their personal dignity, and a great respect and generous concern for their rights. This is true for every child, but it becomes all the more urgent the smaller the child is and the more it is in need of everything, when it is sick, suffering or handicapped "(Saint John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, n. 26).
That is, the child is always a gift and should be treated with love, patience, generosity; especially when he/she “need everything," when he/ she is "sick or delicate," not only physically, but also from the heart by loneliness, abandonment, abuse, and pain ...
A beautiful and fulfilling task
Unfortunately, given the growing wave of adoption by social awareness and spirit of generosity, there are very few places known where they can truly support and guide parents who have decided to take this important step for them and for a child who will soon be integral part of the family.
The thrilled adoptive parents want to welcome their adopted child in a manner that when spoke from the heart, the word “adoptive” does not have the value that strictly has in the natural world, but acquires a supernatural meaning which refers to love and voluntary decision to host and endorse the wonderful gift of a child.
Keywords: love, acceptance, security
When an older child—who knew his parents or knows the reasons for which he/she is alone—is adopted, the new parents must have patience, and above all, work a lot with the child, establish a sincere and open dialogue, full of tenderness and understanding. They must take the place of the child—who will surely bear a painful story—to understand him/her better, and with love gradually help him/her grow and heal.
However, this is not so simple, as it is not simple to educate him/her through the years, because sometimes adoptive parents do not know how to assume the fact that not having conceived this child does not reduce their rights and responsibilities as parents; they must be clear and have always present that they have the same rights and duties as natural parents, and thus, provide the child with the security, acceptance and solidarity that a family should offer.
An education with love, without fear
Parents are not to overprotect the adopted child, but treat him or her in a natural way, without fear, without fear of being rejected or disobeyed. A different attitude with which you give the child everything he or she wants without any limits can be harmful, and make the child feel that his or her parents do not offer security and a stable environment to develop. What the adopted child wants is that his or her parents show that they are his or her real parents and act as such.
It is important to remember that every child is unique, and requires an educational process adequate to his or her characteristics. We must consider their personality; observe, understand and guide them, as well as continuously put ourselves in their shoes to, in some way, sense their story, their past, their pain, and from there have a better understanding, embrace and love them more each time.
Reveal the truth?
Another very important aspect when a child, who does not know his or her origin, is adopted, is the revelation. Many parents live anxiously thinking what they should or should not do, what they should or should not say, and this does nothing but hinder the loving bond between parent and adopted child, causing a "revolution" in the family, with grandparents, uncles , and siblings adopted or not.
This revelation is not easy, but it is not so difficult that it cannot be done. The term "disclosure" is used to refer to the information on the adoption of the adopted person.
It is necessary that parents have a positive attitude towards the fact of letting know the truth. This is something that is part of the child's educational process and is of particular importance for a balanced development of his personality. However, many parents are hesitant to state the truth to the adopted person, yet it is important for them to ponder and know that there are three main reasons for which they have to do it:
"The first is the moral reason, because it is not possible to base a life on lies, the child is entitled to the truth.
"The second is the psychological reason, because silencing the truth seems difficult. The parent / child relationships cannot be unquestioning and serene unless given in an atmosphere of openness and trust conducive to dialogue.
"The third is the material reason, silencing the truth throughout life is not possible. The adopted person will fatally learn his or her situation by a conversation or a written document. "(Oliver, C).
Sometimes parents do not want to reveal the truth so that the child does not suffer, may feel like everyone else, or to give him or her a childhood and youth devoid of insecurities and imbalances; however, this is unfounded.
Research by Raynor and Triseliotis show that adoptive parents live in a continuous state of anxiety thinking that the child may learn the truth through others. This fact makes them create an artificial family atmosphere, full of mistrust, misunderstandings, disrupted conversations, etc. This state of things makes it impossible to craft a coherent educational process, and the child ends up suffering more.
There is no need to fear. Love is the main source of security and joy; there will not be fewer problems if the truth is hushed, on the contrary.