"I felt like a killer: had helped women to kill children and had murdered my own”
Patricia Sandoval he firmly believed that women could and should do whatever they want with your body. And she did for years: she became pregnant on three occasions and aborted in all of them. However, the work in a clinic abortion of Planned Parenthood in California opened her eyes to reality.
The postabortion syndrome suffering unknowingly, joined the lies with which women are encouraged to abort, were permeating it. Was to see the arms and the face of a baby aborted when everything changed. Now, Patricia Sandoval is one of the main activists provide and travels the world telling a story that never would have wanted, on behalf of the three children who did not allow them to be born and to those who promised that it would fight so that other children as they were not aborted.
"Everything starts by ignorance. I come from a family full of love, but in which no one spoke of values or sexuality. In the college, I spoke of the contraceptives, of safe sex…” explains Sandoval to mission.
With nineteen years, began to emerge with a boy five years older than her; maintained relations and she became pregnant. They decided that they would have the baby, but one of her friends told her that he was "committing a serious error", which made him change his mind. Without that her boyfriend knew nothing, she made an appointment in a clinic abortion.
It was extremely scared, but the doctor said that she had gone through two abortions, which he had practiced two other his own daughter and that only take five minutes… account that, during the abortion, was felt to be a traitor. Was aware that he was doing something horrible, but on the other hand, was relieved to get rid of the 'problem'. Her boyfriend, simply told him that he had lost the baby.
Just five months after the first abortion, Patricia found out that I was pregnant again. It is not said to anyone, nor her boyfriend, and immediately made an appointment at Planned Parenthood because "it was very embarrassing to return to the first clinic in which had just taken my first abortion. The second abortion was fast and nobody knew about him".
"Whenever I needed any type of contraceptive I gave free of charge in the Planned Parenthood clinics because the paid the government. Therefore, I had received the best prints of these clinics", account Sandoval.
Bury the pain of abortion
Was determined to auto convince that abortion had never happened. Nobody would know never him. However, a weight as tremendously large it is not easy to forget. "After the second abortion, wanted to kill myself, was desperate. He had lots of shame, did not want anyone realizing it, so I decided to bury it in the depths of my being and not tell you never to anyone. However, every year that passed, and still today what I suffer, recalled that my children would meet such age, would have graduated or removed the driving license. These losses i still hurt," explains.
The relationship with her boyfriend deteriorated by the emotional instability in which was sunk. But a few months later, returned to get pregnant again. On that occasion it he told it to his spouse, who was overjoyed. However, she did not want the baby and convinced her boyfriend to not have it. Forced him to accompany her to abort; he was terrified, cried. At that time, Patricia reminded that although he did not know, this was his third abortion. Ensures that it felt like a killer: "My boyfriend also suffered: i was very depressed, had nightmares in which appeared children who called 'father'," recalls.
"After my three miscarriages, I suffered a lot: suffered a serious post abortion syndrome with mental disorders, sentimental, physical…, but never interacted with abortions because I did not know who had this type of Consequences. I felt empty, sad, despondent… situation that worsened after each abortion. I listened to babies crying. My self-esteem fell a lot. I suffered anorexia during many years, suicidal… but still then had very good concept of Planned Parenthood," says.
"Was not a bag of cells"
Few weeks after his third abortion, in the year 2000, Patricia left to his partner, moved to another city and started from scratch. At the time, decided he wanted to "help to women", which went to work in a clinic of Planned Parenthood. Despite not having medical experience, she was hired as a bilingual health worker, since many of the clients were of Hispanic origin. "I paid very well, the salary was three times that of my previous job".
It explained that it should do everything to convince women who seek an abortion. If they were afraid, she would give them security for that does not lie behind. "I trained to deceive women avoiding the words mom and dad. But, above all, should avoid the word baby; he told them that it was a bag of cells, a thing".
"So I attended my first abortion as a health worker. It was a young woman who was three months. I had to find, after the abortion, the parts of the infants," recalls. When he finished the intervention, was to the rear of the clinic, where counted the parts of the body of the baby they had removed. However, which she hoped would be a sachet of cells was an arm perfectly formed.
Then he realized that he had killed their three children. However, continued working a few more days, while his depression worsened until, one day, decided to leave.
"Everything is a hoax is a lie. They told me: 'Not bring photos of families because women can traumatize if sees it, and if traumatized, does not abort, and, if not aborted, there is no money'. It is a market. Say they are profamily and prowomen but in meetings of Planned Parenthood The only thing that looks is how to make more money and their way of doing this is in practice more abortions. Therefore, promote safe sex in the colleges and universities, and as young people fail, these are forced to abort. That is their tactics," says Sandoval.
However, Patricia was in the midst of a severe depressive process. "I felt very guilty, as a killer. Had helped women to kill their children and i had also murdered to mine".
With self-esteem by soils, began to emerge with a drug addict who started in the consumption of cocaine, methamphetamine and crack. When finished that destructive relation, he stayed in the street, completely alone and abandoned. I was 22 years old.
Heal the body and the soul
While crying in a ditch, a young man approached her and said to him: "Jesus Loves You". Was the waitress at a nearby bar which, after inviting her to eat, offered to take her to the home of his father, who had been more than three years that he saw.
"I arrived at her home. My father opened the door and found me made a skeleton. I asked forgiveness and welcomed me. In that process of forgiveness, Patricia confessed their abortions, but still felt a deep sorrow for what he had done. Had healed his body to leave behind the addictions, but in his soul had not yet healed its three abortions. It was finally decided to participate in a retreat of Rachel's Vineyard (Project Rachel, in Spain), its moment of conversion. Note that came to the withdrawal feeling a killer who aborted her three children and left being known mother of three beautiful babies that Jesus and Mary care while waiting to meet with her one day in heaven. Then promised them that, in his honor, would do everything possible to defend life. "I not had the plan to have my experience, because it still gives me a lot of shame, but with her I encourage many women to heal their abortions and to prevent young people to respect and love themselves and, above all, to appreciate the life".
The initiative Rachel's Vineyard (www.rachelsvineyard.org) began in the United States in 1986 from the hand of Theresa Karminski Burke, founder of the Center for the healing after abortion, who later, organized some therapeutic groups of support to women who had an abortion.
This initiative takes its name from a passage from the Book of Jeremiah, which spoke of Rachel, who complained by their children. This is retreats, a weekend of duration, which seek to "renew, rebuild and redeem the broken hearts by abortion".
It is a therapy for the soul, since, according to themselves, "the lives are restored; finally, there is a sense of faith and purpose for the future". Rachel's Vineyard is organized by priests for life and you can go as a couple. There are also meetings devoted exclusively to men. There are currently more than 650 withdrawals of Rachal's Vineyard in 25 countries of the world. In Spain, the Project Rachel (www. Proyecto-raquel.com) is the organizes these retreats.
Translated by – catholic.net