I have looked into my television crystal ball and identified the tackiest program that will air during 2009.
Yes, given television’s track record, making such a prediction seems risky. But I have seen the trend and it is easy to see where we are headed.
I first suspected something was wrong during the summer Olympics. There was a lot of coverage of beach volleyball. More precisely, there was a lot of coverage of the lack of covered female participants.
There was a rather lame explanation by one commentator about how playing volleyball in itsy bitsy teeny weenie swimsuits could improve athletic performance. What wasn’t clear to me was if that was the case why the guys wore baggy shorts and tee shirts. I guess guys just don’t care about athletic performance, right?
If you add in swimming, diving and gymnastics, it seemed at times that the amount of television coverage of various Olympic events was determined by an inverse relationship of skin to uniform. In other words, the skimpier the outfit the more time on screen.
Which brings me to the prediction for 2009: worst television event (actually, series of events) will be cable television airing of the games of the newly formed Lingerie Football League.
No, this is not a joke. Starting in September, 10 great American cities will be represented by teams of relatively naked women playing tackle football. The teams have clever names like San Diego Seduction, Dallas Desire and Chicago Bliss.
According to Mitchell S. Mortaza, league chairman and president, “The LFL will bring fans across the country a high-energy atmosphere of fierce and compelling football on Friday nights.”
Mortaza said he was incredibly excited that the first game will be in Chicago, which is called “a city so rich in football tradition.”
Frankly, as someone from the Chicago area, I feel compelled to alert him that there isn’t much tradition around lingerie-clad players. The image really doesn’t fit with names like Dick Butkus, Mike Ditka and George Hallas.
OK…we might have had a couple place kickers who….but that is another story.
In any event, I’m hoping that whoever is thinking about putting this disgrace on television (let alone staging it in an arena) will have second thoughts. You are about to give fantasy football a bad name.
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