I Can´t Forgive…
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Por: Staff | Fuente: Catholic.net

I Can´t Forgive…
In human history, nobody has been set free with hatred 

The Fifth of God’s Commandments – you shall not kill- states not to harm your own life or that of others with words, actions or hatred; in other words, we must wish well to everyone and forgive our enemies. Wishing death to oneself or others or a mortal sin if done from hatred or rebel desperation. Hate is incapable of releasing anyone, it only contributes to imprisoning and in human history, no one has achieved Liberty thanks to hating. 

Hatred is never justified for a Christian 
Fights, insults, injury, etc., may sometimes be mortal sins if real harm is wished towards others if we fail at charity and if they are demonstrations of acted out hate.  But they are not ordinary, because of inadvertence or because we don’t grant importance. When two fight, each one is half right and a half to blame, but each one looks at their versions, which is why they won’t be able to reach an agreement.  

Feuds often begin due to insignificant issues, but under the heat of a discussion they end up by escalating and can even end up in breaking up friendships…sometimes, even in crimes. The best thing to do is to cut off the feud from the beginning without allowing it to get off proportion. If you are moody, it would be wise to follow the advice of the English man who would count until 10 before answering back, calmly and wisely we can avoid plenty of hard feelings that are often generated by insignificant issues. 

Personal vendetta is not allowed under any circumstance
It is forbidden by Christ. If it were allowed, we could not live in this world because we would all have the right of retaliating against someone. No, we must forgive our enemies and let God punish them in the afterlife and the Public Authorities in this life.  As Saint Paul says, we must “overcome the bad with the good”. 

We must know how to forgive those who trespass against us
It is fundamental to be willing to grant forgiveness if we are asked for it, remaining content with a moderate repair. Who denies his brother forgiveness, cannot expect forgiveness from God. The Lord’s prayer states that if we do not forgive, God will not forgive us. Christ said it. 

Let’s not fully blame others
Often, the blame must be shared between the two. One started, but the other followed along even more aggressive. If both are expecting the other one to ask for forgiveness, the situation will never be solved. The one who is in more harmony with God must be the one to have the initiative.
 
Christ speaks of “putting the other cheek”. It is an oriental formula for us to understand we must be willing to forgive, but It’s not to take literally. Christ himself, when slapped, did not turn the other cheek, but he responded with energy, truth and self-control, “If I'm wrong, show me how, but why do you hurt me?”

If it is us to blame, we are obliged to ask for forgiveness in any way, but even if the whole blame is others’ it is a demonstration of virtue to take the initiative in granting forgiveness. For example, by saying a nice word, helping with service or by reestablishing communication, etc. During a certain time, dislike can be manifested, for example, with a more serious and alienated attitude, but this will not last indefinitely. Except, for the exceptional cases of a serious fault, where after a certain time, salutations among educated people are reestablished. To deny salutations is not Christian. If the other person does not respond, it is their problem but we must always comply with our part.

When several attempts of reconciliation have failed, or the other refuses to say hi back, or if it seems true that our efforts to reconcile are contributing to increase the others’ bad will, it will be better to wait for another occasion. But we shall not abandon the will to reconcile nor to shelter under this difficulty to not reconcile.  Our will of reconciling must be sincere. If the other one does not want to say hi or talk to us, we must be willing to say hi and speak whenever he is willing to. Sometimes a third party can ease the reconciliation.

We must identify possible resentments and someone taking the distance to avoid a second argument.  Also, between feeling insulted and an admitted resentment. Even if the offense hurts us, we must not wish wrong to anyone. This will of forgiveness can face inevitable with the received offense.  Many people refer to this feeling when they can’t forgive. 

It is possible after an offense, serenity of spirit requires time to overcome pain. Proof of goodwill would be to pray for the offender, never speak wrong of him and ask God the grace of forgiveness.  When we dislike someone, we must pray for them. When we feel like wishing them wrong, we must say the Lord’s Prayer as Jesus says: «pray for those who harass us».

If the person we consider our enemy was in a serious need and could not solve it without our particular help, we have the obligation to help, because in this case we are obliged to assist our neighbor even if it’s an enemy. 

It is not hate towards a person if we hate the wrong in them or the harm they cause us unfairly. The love expressed in the Gospel does not ask us to establish a friendship with them but, it prohibits us to hate and vengeance or wishing them a wrong, it also mandates us to be willing to reconcile. 

«El ofendido está obligado siempre a perdonar al ofensor que le pide perdón, en forma directa o indirecta. Si se niega a hacerlo, comete un grave pecado contra la caridad, y regularmente no podrá ser absuelto mientras continúe en su obstinación».

Of course, it is legitimate to ask for damage repair but, not motivated on hatred or vengeance, but from the point of view of justice.  The goodwill of forgiving from the heart, those who have trespassed against us, does not exclude the fact of us using the right means. 

It is true, there are certain people unworthy of our forgiveness.